Look Who's Messing With My Head
by LostInGreenEyes
Summary: I usually write AU-fics, but this one is more like some kind of recap so far with a couple of thoughts added here and there. It starts with Jenny and Emma having an argument after Emma got kicked out of her job - we'll see where it goes!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there, finally added 'Hand aufs Herz' as a category, so I decided** **to post my little fic here as well. 'Hand aufs Herz' is a German telenovela about a German highschool, all in all a bit similar to "Glee", I guess, with a really adorable pairing**! **;-)**

**Here you go...**

* * *

><p>She fumbled with the key to her locker, her simmering anger rising up another notch as she felt rather than saw Emma's presence behind her as if there was some mind of invisible connection between them. <em>Fuck her!<em> Jenny thought and rummaged around in her locker a bit longer than necessary before she slammed the door shut with a loud thud, turned around and glared at the petite blonde in front of her.

"What do you want, Emma?"

"You shut down the alarm in Hall One!" Emma spat at her, her anger almost as intense as Jenny's.

"Yes, I did. So?" Jenny replied coolly, knowing fully well that her reaction would provoke the blonde even more.

"So?" Emma mimicked angrily. "They think I did it! I got kicked out because of you!" Emma's eyes sparkled with fury and hurt, and her cheeks had taken on a light shade of red.

Jenny shrugged dismissively. "Shit happens, I guess."

"I want to know why you did that!"

"Well, I guess I just couldn't be bothered to work with you any longer." she said with another shrug.

"And why is that?"

Jenny almost flinched as hurt and disappointment were even more evident in Emma's voice now. _What am I doing? _Watching Emma fight back angry tears because of her was even more excruciating than the one sentence that had ripped her heart apart. _'I don't flirt with women! I am normal!'_ She remembered that it had felt as if she'd been slapped in the face by those words Emma had uttered with self-evident conviction. How stupid of her to believe for even a fraction of a second that Emma shared the feelings she held for her. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ She felt another flash of anger surge through her veins. _Get a grip, for fuck's sake!_

"Because I am not interested in listening to your narrow-minded, bigoted opinions all day long!"

"What? I am _not_ narrow-minded!"

"Oh no, I almost forgot, you're _normal_, aren't you?" With that, she stepped past Emma and left hurriedly before her carefully maintained mask started to crumble.

ooooo

She tugged one last time at her blond wig, her Samurai sword attached safely to her back, perfecting her costume, before she braced her shoulders and entered the room with her trademark 'bordering-on-arrogant' smile firmly in place. At once, she was engulfed by a throng of bodies which were moving more or less rhythmically to the blaring music. She quickly scanned the room to find her classmates, but her gaze was caught by a very cute version of Janis Joplin at the far side of the room. She bit her lip to hide the smile that threatened to sneak on her face. '_No, no, no, you're still mad at her, remember?' _she reminded herself.' _And she deserves it. But God….she's gorgeous. And cute. And…' When_ Emma looked in her direction she quickly averted her eyes and pretended to have the fun of her life, swaying to the music all on her own. She knew that she could easily pull it off – whereas others would just look lonely and a bit lost amid all those people chatting and laughing with each other, she was well aware of her reputation. '_The cool girl from London who doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything.' Yeah, right. If only they knew. _She looked up again and saw Hotte leave the group around Emma to get another round of drinks. Jenny inconspicuously danced towards him and grabbed his tie when he was near enough for her to reach it.

"So…who are you?" She smiled and moved closer towards him, an idea taking shape in her head. _If she doesn't realize what she feels, then I'll have to show her. _

"Bond. _James _Bond. Isn't that obvious?" She took a closer look at the bespectacled boy in front of her. He was actually rather nice, and she apologized silently for what she was about to do.

"So, Mr. Bond, have you detected any other agents yet?" Jenny asked in full flirty-mode.

"Don't turn around, there are a couple of very suspicious guys behind you, and they seem to be armed." Hotte replied, happily playing along.

Jenny laughed and pulled him closer, fully aware that Emma was watching their every move. '_It's now or never'_ she thought and pressed her lips to Hotte's who was so surprised that he didn't react at all and thankfully didn't try to deepen the unexpected kiss. Jenny took a step backwards and turned towards Emma who'd come closer and closer and stared at them with a mixture of shock and anger showing on her face. '_I'm sorry'_ Jenny thought and pulled Hotte in for another kiss, not quite sure whom she was apologizing to – Hotte for playing with his crush he obviously held for her or Emma for hurting her again. '_But I have to make her see it'. _she tried to justify her actions, grabbed Hotte's hand and started to dance with him, her hips swaying way too close to his. She forced herself to keep her smile in place as Emma turned on her heels and left. '_Mission accomplished.'_

ooooo

She turned in her sheets for the thousandth time, tucked her pillow into a more comfortable position, desperately wanting to fall asleep, but her mind returned to this night's events again and again. Emma laughing that beautiful laugh of hers while talking to Luzi. Their brief eye contact as she'd entered the party. The shocked look on Emma's face as she'd watched her kiss Hotte. Hotte's hopeful smile after their first kiss. _What have I done? What kind of a stupid idea was that? God!_ But what should she have done instead? Walked up to her and said 'Hey Emma, sorry for snapping at you like that after you told me that you wouldn't flirt with a woman even if hell froze over, but I have a huge crush on you and I know you feel that way too!'? She groaned quietly and kicked the covers away. Why couldn't she just forget about her?

She snorted at the stupidity of her silent monologue. Because she was special. She could endure the most boring classes without a single word of protest as long as Emma was sitting next to her. She was even looking forward to Mondays, for fuck's sake, although they didn't even share a class on Mondays, but at least she'd be able to talk to her during the breaks in between. She sometimes sneaked into the auditorium just to hear her sing. She'd almost slapped that Caro bitch in front of the whole volleyball-team because she'd named Emma a hopeless loser. She regularly forgot what she wanted to say when her eyes locked with Emma's and would just stand there, listening to her and smiling like an idiot while her heart was doing somersaults inside her chest. Her gaze would travel down to the blonde's lips once and again, before she'd mentally slap herself for the way her imagination was getting ahead of itself, conjuring up a dream of their lips colliding, brushing tenderly against each other in perfect sync. _'Jennifer Hartmann, would you shut up your mind right now and go to sleep? God!'_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

'_What the hell is wrong with me?'_ Emma rested her head against the lockers and groaned quietly. She was deadly tired, and the luke-warm coffee she was sipping from had done nothing so far to change that. She hadn't got a wink of sleep that night because of the mess of feelings in her head. The pictures of Jenny and Hotte kissing at the party were running on endless-loop in her mind. Jenny grabbing Hotte's tie, kissing him out of the blue, dancing so close to him that not even a sheet of paper would have fitted between them. She couldn't quite explain why these recurring thoughts still made her so angry that she desperately wanted to wipe them from her memory. She'd known Hotte for almost all her life, surely she couldn't have a crush on him now that he'd fallen head over heels for another girl? Emma sighed and shook her head.

"Hey Emma! Are you alright?" Luzi looked at her with a quizzical expression on her face.

"Luzi! Yes…I mean, no." She sighed again. "I don't know."

Luzi just stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

"You've known me for quite a while now. Do you think it could be possible that…that I've got a crush on Hotte?" Emma couldn't quite hide her embarrassment because the question sounded silly even to her own ears.

"Erm…I don't know. Do you?"

"No! It's just…I've got that strange feeling in my stomach whenever he talks to Jenny. He's following her like a puppy-dog, although she isn't even interested in him. Not really, anyway, she's just playing with him! Well, at least I _think_ that she is, heaven knows why, though. It's not like her, you know? Although….perhaps I'm wrong about that, I don't even know her. But sometimes she's acting so weird that it's making me jump out of my skin!"

"Emma, erm…have you listened to yourself?" Luzi interrupted with a smile. "It's Jenny you're talking about all the time. If you're having a crush on someone, then it's probably her, not Hotte." Luzi added matter-of-factly.

'_What the….?' _Emma stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Very funny, Luzi. Thank you very much for your help!" she spat at her friend sarcastically, grabbed her bag and stormed away, leaving Luzi mentally slapping herself for her lack of subtlety.

_A crush on Jenny!_ Emma angrily chucked her empty coffee mug into the nearest bin. Why was everyone making fun of her lately? First Jenny claiming that she'd flirted with that woman in Hall One who'd given her a generous tip and her phone number, now Luzi dead-panning that she had a crush on Jenny! Was it because she hadn't had a boyfriend in ages? Were they pitying her in some weird way, like 'Hey Emma, if it doesn't work out with boys, why not try a girl for a change?' Jenny's remark had thrown her somehow, but Luzi blowing into the same horn had been far worse. They are friends, for fuck's sake, so couldn't she expect to be taken seriously when she asked for help? Even if she had talked about Jenny a lot – was it her fault that it was Jenny who played with Hotte's feelings and helped him make a complete fool of himself? He didn't deserve that, he's got a heart of gold and had stood by her so many times in the past that she'd lost count. Perhaps she only felt bad for him because he'd been played so obviously. Yes, that had to be it! She'd felt bad for him and had confused these emotions with having a crush on him. Satisfied with that solution, she made her way down the hall, looking for Hotte.

ooooo

"Come on Jenny, could you please hurry up a bit? The couple at table seven is waiting for the bill, and the funeral party at table eleven is still waiting for their drinks."

"Yes, Miriam, give me a second." Jenny muttered while she balanced a tray with empty glasses towards the bar. Hall One was literally bursting at the seams, every table occupied, with only two pitiable waitresses – Miriam and herself. She groaned inwardly as the kitchen signaled for another round of dishes being ready to be served. Jenny took the two plates of steaming pasta, one in each hand, and was about to scan the room for the appropriate table number as the door opened behind her and a cold draft of air made her shiver. She turned around and her mind came to an abrupt halt. _Emma. _Looking gorgeous even in her heavy winter jacket and the colorful scarf she'd wound around her neck. '_What's she doing here? Is she still mad at me? Probably….'_ Jenny was woken from her inner musings by the loud clanging of the plates which had slipped from her hands and had now created an ugly heap of shards and pasta on the floor. _'Jesus fucking Christ!'_ Thankfully, Miriam laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder before she hurriedly started clearing the mess away. Only five minutes later, all remnants of her mishap had been discarded and the waiting couple mollified with a round of drinks on the house.

"Thank you." Jenny said as Miriam put the broom and dustpan back beneath the counter.

"Jenny…I know you're trying really hard, but I think you're a bit overwhelmed with this job."

"You know what, I've got an idea – why don't Emma and I do this job together and share our wages?" Emma stared at her, speechless.

"Well, I don't know if the manager has already forgotten about Emma shutting down the alarm…"

"Oh, that was me, to be honest!" Jenny hurriedly interrupted. "Emma had already left and I guess I accidentally stumbled against the switch." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Emma looking at her as if she'd lost her mind. "And I'm sorry that I didn't tell before, but I needed the job." Jenny looked pleadingly at Miriam who finally shrugged, giving in.

"Okay, fine, we'll give it a try!" Jenny beamed at her, glad that she'd finally got the chance to tell the truth. Well, not _exactly_ the truth, but a version which was far more honest than the last one and let Emma off the hook. Emma looked at both of them a bit indecisively before she finally relented, took off her jacket and got changed.

They worked side by side until the last customer had finally left and Hall One was prepared for the following day. Emma had been unusually quiet during their shared shift, but Jenny wouldn't allow that fact to dampen her mood. "We're a good team." Jenny said as they sat beside each other at the bar, drinking a glass of water. "So which shifts should I inscribe us for next week?" She looked expectantly at Emma who remained silent. "Or…do you want to do the shifts on your own?" Jenny added, a hint of insecurity in her voice. "Emma?"

"I really like working with you, but…" Emma started and shrugged.

"But?"

"How am I to know that you won't be turning all cool again within the next three minutes and set another trap for me?"

Jenny nodded, grateful for Emma's honesty but at the same time sad because she realized how deeply she'd hurt her with her betrayal. "You're talking about the incident with the alarm system. I really shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."

"No, you shouldn't have. I really hated you for that one. But it's not only that, it's…" Emma paused, searching for the appropriate words. "It's everything! Every time I think I know you a little bit, you're totally different all of a sudden! I…I can't do this."

Jenny nodded, not able to hide her disappointment. "What does that mean exactly?" she asked quietly.

Emma slowly shook her head. "I don't know what that means."

'_So that's it, I've blown it for good. She hates me, and I can't even blame her.' _She blinked back the tears which threatened to well up in her eyes and left without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The way Hotte smiled at her as she stepped through the school's entrance made her heart sink. It was obvious he'd waited for her and had drawn all the wrong conclusions from their short kiss at the costume party.

"Jenny, hey!" he greeted her enthusiastically while Emma glared at both of them but remained quiet.

"Hotte! Erm….can I talk to you for a second? In private?"

"Of course!" he replied eagerly and winked at Emma whose expression had grown darker still.

Jenny grabbed his arm and pulled him around the corner, out of Emma's earshot. "Hotte, look, I…I want to apologize to you."

"To me?" He looked at her a bit flabbergasted. "Why?"

"For kissing you at the costume party. I'm sorry."

"What? No! Why would you be sorry for that, I liked it!"

"Hotte…I kissed you because…because of a weird mood I was in. Don't get me wrong, you're an attractive guy, but you and me….it just won't work, you know?" She saw understanding dawn in his eyes.

"Oh. Right." He tried to hide his disappointment but failed miserably as his shoulders sagged and his smile faltered.

'_Great, I've done it again. It's always the same, isn't it? It's always me conflicting pain on others for my own good.'_

"Friends?" She asked in a lame attempt to lighten the atmosphere again, and to her relief Hotte nodded with a crooked half-smile.

"Friends."

ooooo

Her heart did a double-take when she saw Emma rummaging around in her locker. 'P_leasepleaseplease, don't fuck it up again!' _she admonished herselfbefore she conjured up a wide smile on her face and approached her.

"Okay, erm…have you thought about it? I mean, are we going to work together in Hall One?"

Emma looked up at her but remained quiet.

"Come on, how much longer do you want to give me the silent treatment? Why don't you just tell me what you want?"

"Now _I'm_ supposed to tell _you_ what I want?" Emma shot back at her.

"Erm…yeah?" Jenny replied, a bit thrown by Emma's sudden vehemence. _'Damn, what did I do now?'_

"Why don't _you _tell me what _you_ want? After all it wasn't me who got you kicked out because of the alarm system, right?"

"Ah, come on…" Jenny started to defend herself, but Emma interrupted her before she could even form the sentence in her head.

"Or was it _me _who kissed Hotte at the party?" Emma continued, her tone of voice even more reproachful than before.

"What? What's Hotte got to do with anything?"

"You know, your whole manner, it beats me, really! At first, you're completely cool and dismissive, only to be really nice shortly afterwards, but all of a sudden you give me a real hard kick in the arse again!"

Emma's sudden outburst rendered Jenny speechless for a couple of seconds. "Hey…I apologized to Hotte, it's okay for him now!" Jenny replied a bit desperately.

"Yeah. Just because he's stupid enough to trust you!" _'What?' _"And because you're cool and beautiful…."

"Emma, I told you, I apologized to him!"

"Yes, and you apologized to me as well – for destroying my bike, for shutting off the alarm-system. So what? What good did that do? None!"

"Emma…with you…that's something else altogether!"

"Oh yeah? And why would that be?"

'_So that's it – the one-million-dollar-question. Say it. Tell her that you've fallen for her. Tell her that you're just acting like a silly cow all the time because she's eliciting all those feelings inside you. Weird and wonderful and frightening and…'_

"What the hell is your problem with me?" Emma spat at her, her eyes dark with anger.

'_Say something. Do something. Anything.' _Before she really knew what she was about to do, Jenny took a step towards Emma and gently pressed her lips against hers. Her mind went blank for seconds that felt like an eternity, robbing her of the ability to form another coherent thought. She could only feel – the way Emma's lips fitted perfectly against her own, soft, silky, beautiful, and how that gentle touch sent an electric current through her body. A distant jumble of voices made her switch back to reality. Jenny reluctantly broke the kiss and stepped back before anyone could walk in on them.

"That's the problem I've got with you." Jenny whispered and left in a hurry.

ooooo

'_You kissed her. Are you crazy? Or more like…completely mad?' _Jenny groaned and rested her forehead against the cool surface of the toilet cubicle she'd fled into in order to clear her head. '_She's going to hate me. Even more than she already did. Fuck!'_ She angrily hit her hand against the wall.

"Everything alright?" an unknown voice asked from the adjacent cubicle.

"I'm fine." Jenny mumbled and closed her eyes. _'At least she didn't push me away or even hit me. Is that a good sign? Or did I just overwhelm her? Shock her into some kind of paralysis?' _She laughed sadly and shook her head at herself. '_Jenny Hartmann, when did you turn into such a ridiculous wimp?' _She couldn't remember that she'd ever agonized over anyone or questioned her actions like that. She was used to be the one making the rules, to be the one fending off the advances of others instead of racking her brains over winning the heart of a girl who obviously didn't even like her. _'Or did she? Fucking insecurity!'_ She angrily opened the cubicle door, checked her appearance in the mirror and put on a fake smile she could hide her emotions behind, a habit she'd perfected over the years. _'There, all done.'_ With that, she hurriedly left and headed towards her next class.

ooooo

At the same time one floor below Emma touched her lips with her fingertips in a trance-like state. _'Did this really just happen?'_ She still felt Jenny's lips on her own, so there was only a slim chance that all this had just been a dream. What kind of a dream would it have been anyway? A good one? Or rather a nightmare? The wide smile that had crept onto her face unwillingly after Jenny kissed her had both surprised and embarrassed her. What had she been thinking? What if anyone had seen them? Why hadn't she just pushed her away? _'Because you liked it. No! Please no. That can't be possible. I am….'_ She didn't finish that sentence in her head, remembering Jenny's harsh reaction the last time she'd used the expression that had just popped into her head. _'Normal? What's_ normal _anyway?'_ She had nothing against homosexuals, although she'd never really thought about it before. But was she really into girls? All of a sudden, just like that? Emma searched her mind for situations in the past when she'd felt something more than plain friendship for a female friend, but couldn't come up with a single one. So why now? She had to admit that Jenny had intrigued her right from the start. The cool girl from London who played by her own rules, no matter what her classmates thought of her. _'So I'm secretly impressed by her. So what? That doesn't mean that I have a crush on her or anything. Does it?' _But the kiss – the kiss had got her head reeling, it had shaken her to the core although it had been over before she'd really realized what was happening to her. _'Come on, Emma, would you stop obsessing over this?' _But no matter how hard she tried to set her mind at rest, she wasn't able to stop it from replaying that scene over and over again in her head. Kissing her had been the last thing she'd expected Jenny to do, and….

"Oh! Sorry!" Emma stammered, relieved that the person she'd just bumped into was Hotte.

"Hey Emma! And what are _you_ dreaming about?"

"Me? Erm…nothing, I was just…I'm…l was lost in thought somehow." She felt her cheeks flush, but thankfully Hotte didn't pick up on that.

"Well, _my_ dream is over, that's for sure." he replied sadly.

"What?"

"Jenny."

"What? What's with Jenny?" Emma asked, hoping that Hotte wouldn't notice the slight hint of panic in her voice.

"You were right about her. She's not interested in me."

"In you." Emma repeated stupidly.

"Yeah, well, did you see her kiss anyone else around here?" Hotte asked a bit irritated.

"No! I mean….no, I didn't." _'God, Emma, how much more obvious could you possibly be? Why don't I write _'Jenny Hartmann kissed me' _on my forehead?_'"Can we just talk about something else?"

"Erm…yeah….about what exactly?"

"Oh…erm…you know what, I think I just need a coffee!"

She didn't wait for her friend's reaction but turned around on her heels and headed towards the cafeteria. _'Would you _please_ get a grip?'_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Hey, guess what, we'll be able to practice tonight, Timo's got the key for the auditorium!" Luzi exclaimed happily and flopped down beside Emma on a bench in the schoolyard.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Luzi looked at her quizzically. "Wow…that's not exactly the reaction I expected!"

"No, that's great, really." Emma replied unenthusiastically.

"Right. Doesn't sound like it, though." Luzi took a closer look at her, willing her silently to reveal what was troubling her.

"No…it's just because of Hotte."

"Hotte? What's up with him?"

"He got the brush-off. From Jenny."

"That's not really surprising, is it?"

"Why?" Emma inquired, hoping that she didn't appear too eager.

"Come on, Jenny's from London, she's been around the whole world, why should she bother with someone like us?"

Emma pondered Luzi's assessment for a couple of seconds before she answered. "Yes, you're right. I bet it's been just a game for her."

"Probably. So Hotte is actually lucky that he realized that so quickly. Now he can forget about her without agonizing about whether there's something going on between them or not."

Emma merely nodded, silently debating with herself if the question she was about to ask would be too obvious. "Do you think Jenny would even kiss a girl? I mean theoretically, of course." she hurriedly added and rolled her eyes. "As she seems to be into experimenting somehow."

"Yes, I guess she would."

"Really? Just like that? Without any emotions to go with it?"

"Jenny doesn't seem to be a person who's waiting for the one big love, don't you think? She's experimenting with things. And if she wants to know how it feels to kiss a woman, then she does. It's as easy as that. I think that's not even a bad thing. She's just different from us, that's all."

Of course Luzi was right. How stupid of her to believe even for a second that she meant anything to Jenny and that their short kiss had been anything but a funny little experiment for the brunette. _'Serves me right for my damn naiveté! Jenny's probably already laughing her head off because of my shell-shocked reaction.'_

ooooo

Jenny had come to a decision. She wouldn't head home and rack her brains over whether Emma hated her for good now or had enjoyed the kiss as much as she had. Instead, she'd gather up her courage and ask her point-blank. She decisively hurried down the stairs but felt her resolve falter when she saw Emma put some books into her locker. _'Come on, Jenny, just ask her. She won't bite your head off. Hopefully.'_

"Emma, hey!"

"Oh, hi Jenny."

"Are you alright?"

"Erm…yeah…why?"

"Because I had the impression that…" Jenny paused and looked over her shoulder to see if there were any unwanted eavesdroppers in the vicinity. "That our kiss confused you a bit." She continued a bit more quietly.

"Oh! No! No." Emma denied hurriedly, fully aware of how lame she sounded.

Jenny waited for Emma to elaborate but the blonde remained silent – a silence which turned awkward in only a couple of seconds.

"Okay. Well…for me…it was mind-blowing, actually." _'There. I said it. And it's the truth.' _Jenny thought and held her breath.

"Oh! Erm…okay…" Emma stammered, clearly embarrassed now.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing!"

"Was it too fast for you?"

"No! No…erm…everything's fine, really, I just…I'm in a hurry right now, and I've got to go." Without waiting for Jenny's response, Emma grabbed her bag and left.

Jenny exhaled deeply and rested her head against the lockers. She was barely able to hide the disappointment that rushed through her veins. She had just admitted to Emma that their kiss had knocked her off her feet and all Emma could do was run away? Jenny sadly shook her head. _'Face it - she doesn't want you.'_

ooooo

Emma groaned and pulled the blanket over her head, hoping against hope that it would help her shut up her mind for a little while. She didn't want to think about Jenny any longer, not about the sadness in Jenny's clear blue eyes as she'd told her that she had to leave, not about Jenny's admission that the kiss had been mind-blowing for her. _'Has it? Or is she just playing games with me again?' _Emma pushed the blanket away. _'Of course she is. Why would anyone as beautiful as her fall for someone like me? She could have anyone she wanted, so stop being ridiculous.'_ But no matter how much she thought about it, she just couldn't make sense of it. Why would Jenny pick her of all people to play her little mind-games with? Besides that, Jenny was either a very good actress and had practiced her performance beforehand, or the hurt in her eyes had been real.

Even if it was true – just theoretically, of course – what did she expect from her now? She couldn't just walk up to her friends and say 'Hey, listen, Jenny and I kissed and now we'll see where we go from there!' How would they react? Would they think she'd lost her mind? Luzi seemed to be okay with the idea of Jenny kissing other women, but would she be as understanding if she knew that it was her instead of some anonymous girl they didn't know? And what about the others? What about Hotte? He'd definitely hate her, she was sure of that. He'd fallen head over heels for Jenny from the first time he'd laid eyes on her, and after she'd even kissed him he'd been the happiest guy on earth. Had she ruined that for him? Why had Jenny kissed him anyway? To provoke her? To make her feel jealous? Or had it just been another one of her many games? She wished that she could talk about all this to someone, but with Hotte being out of the picture because of obvious reasons that only left Luzi, and somehow she didn't feel ready to confide in her with this. It was probably for the best if she just went out of Jenny's way for a couple of days. At least until she'd cleared her head a bit. _'You're a coward, Emma Müller.'_ her conscience whispered to her, but she pushed that thought away again and fell asleep.

ooooo

Jenny's fingers played with her necklace as she waited in front of the girls' washroom. _'That's what I've become – a stalker who's waylaying her adored one in front of the toilets, that's just great.'_ Jenny shook her head and laughed at her own foolishness. She'd see this through, though. The whole night she'd pondered over their awkward situation and had come to the conclusion that her message towards Emma hadn't been clear enough. She'd kissed her, yes, but perhaps Emma got it all wrong nonetheless. She'd even told her how much she'd enjoyed that kiss, but somehow she doubted that Emma had really understood what she wanted to tell her. So she'd do it now, no matter what. Emma had already escaped her several times today, clearly avoiding her, but this time she wouldn't let her get away.

Right then, the door of the washroom opened and Emma stepped out of it as if in a hurry.

"Hi Emma!" Jenny greeted her before she had any chance to flee again.

"Ah, are you lying in wait for me now?" Emma asked, clearly taken by surprise.

"What other chance do I have as you're running away from me all the time?" Jenny shot back in a friendly tone of voice.

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm…I'm not running away from you."

"Great, that means we can talk now."

"I have to prepare for the placement test." Emma replied and turned to walk away.

"Emma, there's no preparation for this test." Emma stopped in her tracks and turned around again. "Sometimes there are things happening in your life which are just… happening, you know, and then you have to handle it. But since our kiss you've been running away from me."

"Because I'm not into these games you're playing." Emma retorted coolly.

'_So that's what she thinks I'm doing. Playing games with her.' _"I'm not playing." Jenny said with a smile and shook her head to emphasize her point.

"Oh, then it's some kind of sport for you? First Hotte, then Emma, who's next?" Emma asked sarcastically.

"Okay, kissing Hotte was an idiotic thing to do, I admit that, but I wanted to see your reaction."

"Ah, this is getting better and better, isn't it?" Emma exclaimed, her temper rising. "Now it's not a sport but some kind of science! So you're watching others through a magnifying-glass and…"

"Emma, I've got a crush on you. A huge crush, to be honest. No game, no sport and no science. I just want you to know that."

With that, Jenny turned around and left. _'I guess I let the cat out of the bag now.'_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Emma stormed out of the classroom as she felt hot tears well up in her eyes. Now she hadn't only failed the placement test but also her one and only chance to redeem herself and be allowed into the "A-class" along with her friends. During the placement test she hadn't been able to erase Jenny's admission from her mind. _'Emma, I've got a crush on you. A huge crush, to be honest.'_ She'd read the exam questions again and again, but her mind had refused to process even a single one of them, as if it had been completely wiped out by the emotional disaster Jenny had thrown her into. Instead of writing down the correct answers, she'd once and again stared in Jenny's direction, unable to concentrate on the test at all.

And now it had happened again! She'd just started her presentation and it had gone more than well so far. Until Jenny had entered the classroom and taken her usual seat in the first row. And 'bam!' – her mind had gone blank again, just like that! _'Fuckfuckfuck!'_ Now she'd have to rot in the loser-class forever, where participating in the teachers' lessons was considered a crime in itself and punished severely by her classmates. She was done for, and wouldn't even be allowed to be in the STAG anymore, and….

"Emma! Emma, wait!" She heard Jenny run after her and tried to block out her voice. "Come on, it wasn't that bad." the brunette tried to comfort her. "Götting's an asshole, everyone knows that, and he's getting off on humiliating others. Actually you're lucky you won't have to endure him any longer. This whole elite idea is bullshit anyway."

"It's so easy for you to say that!" Emma snapped back at her. " You are allowed to participate in the normal lessons, as well as my friends are. Why did you have to come in while I was doing my presentation? It's been the same during the placement test. Every time you're around me I have a complete blackout!"

"Look, Emma, I'm really sorry about that, but have you ever thought about what that could possibly mean?"

"That's rather obvious, isn't it? I'll be stuck with those losers until eternity!"

"That's not what I meant! You and me…that's something special, don't you see?"

"Jenny…." Emma started, exasperated, "I don't want to be special. I want to be like anyone else. When will you get that into your head?" she spat and walked away.

'_How many times will I let her hurt me like this?' _Jenny wondered silently. _'Why don't I just let her go?' _Jenny hesitated only a second. _'Because I can't.'_ With that thought in her mind, she ran after Emma again.

"Emma, wait!"

"Stop hassling me! Why are you following me all the time? Just stop it!"

"Emma, why do you say things like this? About wanting to be like anyone else? You're not like anyone else, and that's a good thing! You're special, you just don't dare admit that to yourself. Come on, take a look at all these chicks around here! Caro, Lena, Yvonne. Do you really want to be like them? No, I don't think so. You're _not_ like them, and I'm not talking about Götting's two-class-system, I'm talking about you and you know that!"

Emma just stared at her but remained silent.

"People will be talking at first, I know how it is, that's just the way it is, but some day…some day they will stop. As long as we stick together, we'll get through this!"

"Look, I really don't know what you're talking about! I'm not like you! And I don't want to talk about this _ever_ again. And the only thing I know is that I want you to stay away from me!"

Jenny bit her lip as she watched Emma disappear. She'd done it again. She'd pushed her away again, without wasting as much as a single thought on the fact that she'd trampled on her feelings for the umpteenth time. _'Okay. That's it. I'm done with her.'_

ooooo

Emma rubbed her hands to keep them from freezing, her eyes never leaving Jenny who was talking to one of her class-mates at the far side of the schoolyard. '_She's so beautiful when she's laughing.'_ What? Where had that come from? During the last couple of days she'd tried to clear that mess inside her head which started and ended with the same name: Jenny. But despite all her efforts her mind just didn't let her forget - Jenny's lips on her own, so incredibly soft. _'Well…for me…it was mind-blowing, actually._' Her clear blue eyes which had looked at her almost pleadingly. _'I've got a crush on you. A huge crush, to be honest. No game, no sport and no science. I just want you to know that.'_ Jenny running after her, trying to comfort her. _'You and me…that's something special, don't you see?' _Her last desperate attempt to convince her. _'As long as we stick together, we'll get through this!'_

But she'd ruined it. She'd pushed Jenny away, again and again, until Jenny had finally backed down, hurt by Emma's repeated rejection. _'I can't even blame her.' _Emma sighed and watched her breath condense into a foggy cloud. _'And now she won't even talk to me.'_ Jenny had made that more than clear as Emma had tried to apologize to her in Hall One_. 'It's for the best if we don't talk at all. You do your thing, I do mine.'_ She still heard Jenny's voice in her mind, cold and dismissive, her usual mask put safely back in place. Emma sighed again. She missed her. She missed that easy banter they'd used to share, missed the sound of her laugh, the way he lips curled into an easy smile, even the way she looked at her, as if she was the most precious thing in the world, and…

"Emma? Emma! Are you listening to me or what?"

"What? Sorry."

Hotte stared at her quizzically before he followed Emma's gaze. "She's a bit arrogant after all, isn't she?"

"Come on, Hotte, you don't even know her!"

"Of course I know her, Emma! We kissed! And it was epic." he added with a wink.

"Yeah, and then she dumped you."

"Like I said - arrogant!"

"I think she's just a bit different from the others. And that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, does it?" _'You're not like anyone else, and that's a good thing!'_ Jenny's words rang in her ears again. '_Perhaps she's been right about that after all.'_

ooooo

A revolution! Emma couldn't quite believe that they were really seeing this through. It had been Jenny's idea, and of course all the others had happily agreed with her. Emma didn't really know why this seemed to make her angry somehow, after all they were fighting against Götting's two-class-system which prevented her from participating in her usual lessons and the STAG.

"Why are we the only ones preparing the placards?" Hotte asked, sitting beside Emma on his knees while he drew a large red exclamation mark on the white bed sheet in front of him. "What are the others doing?"

"I don't know." Emma replied. "Delivering highly important sermons, I guess. And right at the front of all this: Jenny Hartmann!" she continued sarcastically.

"So now you're judging her. A couple of minutes ago she was something really special if I remember correctly." Hotte reminded her.

"Yes, but that doesn't have to be a good thing, right?"

Hotte looked at her a bit strangely.

"Yeah! First she says one thing, only to do the exact opposite the following day. She starts working with you at Hall One, then she suddenly quits. She kisses you and…."

"She kissed you?" Hotte interrupted her with wide eyes.

"What? No! No…I meant you. She kissed you, and then she dumped you just like that!"

"Ah, that's alright actually."

"Well, anyway….I think we're done here." Emma knew that she was being unreasonable. She should be grateful to Jenny for putting all this energy into their strike, but instead she felt betrayed by her. She'd been secretly looking forward to their shared shifts at Hall One, even if Jenny had refused to talk to her lately. Her sudden resignation had come as a shock to her, even more so as she knew that Jenny needed this job to repay her loan to Stefan Bergmann. _'That's how much she hates me now. And it's all my fault.'_ Only her vehemence concerning the school strike didn't quite fit into the picture. _'Why is she doing this? There's nothing in it for her, she's already in the privileged class after all.'_ Emma wished that she could take a look behind Jenny's façade so that she could stop over-analyzing everything she did or said. '_Jenny probably just likes to stand in the limelight, and what better opportunity is there than being the head of a school strike? Yes, that has to be it.'_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

'_God, I'm already freezing.'_ Emma thought as she wandered the abandoned school corridors in search for candles. _'And I'm starving, too. I hope the pizza delivery man won't take too long.'_ She couldn't quite believe that they'd really spend the night in school as part of their strike. The whole situation made her feel like the last time she'd been to vacation camp when she was fourteen years old. She'd always loved those camps, sitting around the camp fire with the others, singing songs while someone played the guitar until it was so late that they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer and retreated to their tents. That had only been four years ago, yet it felt like a memory from another lifetime. Had her life been easier back then? Probably. At least she hadn't had to worry about another girl having a crush on her. She laughed bitterly. _'As if I had to worry about that any longer. Jenny's already fed up with me. And besides that, I….' _

"Ough!"

"Ah, damn!" Jenny glared at Emma who'd collided with her in the middle of the corridor, lost in thought.

"Sorry." Emma mumbled as her eyes fell on the pile of blankets she'd accidentally knocked out of Jenny's arms and which had now transformed into an untidy heap on the floor.

"Never mind, it only took me ages to get them all piled up in my arms." Jenny replied sarcastically and tried to gather them up again.

"Wait, let me help you." Emma offered, but Jenny brushed her off.

"No, skip it! You're responsible for the candles."

"But I can do both, candles and blankets, it's for a good cause after all." Emma persisted, grabbed the nearest blanket and folded it. Jenny glared at her but remained silent. "I really hope this strike is going to work. At first I thought that it wouldn't make that much sense, but….what?" Emma looked at Jenny quizzically as her glare had even intensified.

"Emma. What are you doing here? You didn't come along to bump into me and bend my ears, did you?" Jenny spat, clearly stressed out by now.

"Yes! I mean, no, of course not, I…why did you quit your job in Hall One?" Emma couldn't help asking the question that had nagged at her for a while now. "I know that you need the money."

"Why did I quit the job?" Jenny laughed bitterly. "Think hard about it, Emma."

"I don't know! Perhaps you had a row with a customer, or there wasn't enough money in it for you, or…or you found another job and thought that two jobs at the same time…"

"Emma!" Jenny interrupted harshly. "You know perfectly well that you're the reason I quit the job!"

"Me."

"Yeah! Do you really think I'm bent on working with you after everything that's happened between us? You told me to stay away from you. Fine, I'll do just that, I'll stay away from you! But don't expect me to act as if everything is normal between us! Because it isn't." With that, she angrily took the blankets out of Emma's grasp and walked away.

'_She really quit the job because of me.' _Emma still stood in the middle of the corridor, stunned by Jenny's stinging words. _'She really must hate me.' _Her shoulders sagged. She didn't want it to be like this between them. She wanted…. _'Yeah, what is it that you want, Emma?' _she challenged herself. _'Make up your mind already!'_ But it was already too late for that, wasn't it? She'd fucked it up royally and now she was paying the price. _'She really cared for me, otherwise she wouldn't react the way she does. Cynical. Angry. Hurt. God, Emma, you're such an idiot sometimes.' _But what would have been the alternative? What if she hadn't reacted the way she had? Jenny had made her side of the bargain pretty clear – she'd not only had the courage to kiss her, but to tell her straight on that she had a crush on her. Emma sighed. If she hadn't been such a coward, then…._'Then what? Then what, Emma? Then you'd be her girlfriend? God, Emma, you can't be serious!' _Why would someone like Jenny Hartmann want to be with her anyway? '_She's cool, and beautiful, and admired openly and secretly by her classmates. She could be with anyone she wanted. Why would she choose me?'_

Emma almost wished herself back to the time not so long ago when she was convinced that Jenny was just playing games with her. It had been easy enough then to shrug Jenny's efforts off as something the brunette had well planned to see how she'd react and pamper her own ego. But now this option was out of the picture. Jenny would have to be one hell of an actress to perform her act so perfectly. No, Jenny's feelings were real, otherwise she wouldn't have bared her claws at her like that, hurt by Emma's rejection. Emma still couldn't get over the fact that Jenny had even quit her job just to avoid being around her any longer. '_Doesn't that mean that she still cares? If I was completely indifferent to her, why would she bother to do this?' _A smile crept on Emma's face when she remembered Jenny acting as her 'knight in shining armor' the previous week as two former classmates she didn't particularly like had walked up to her table in the cafeteria.

"Ey, Müller! This table's reserved for A-students."

"Erm. Pardon?" she'd replied absentmindedly, still occupied with the coming-out brochure she'd received from Mr. Heisig and hid inside her history book while reading it secretly during lunch break.

"For A-students." the taller girl repeated dumbly. "The good ones. The losers are supposed to sit over there." she continued and gestured towards the far side of the cafeteria.

"Is that so?" Emma asked although she didn't really know why she was rising to the bait, beside the fact that it seemed to be the more diplomatic reaction in contrast to a blunt 'Fuck off!'

"Yeah, it is. Didn't you read Götting's latest memo?"

"No, I didn't." Now she started to regret that she hadn't opted for answer number two straight away.

"Well, here it is!" the other girl replied with a wicked grin, scribbled something on her notepad and turned it towards Emma. 'Idiots out!' it read in bolt letters.

"Funny." Emma stated sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

"You think so, yeah?"

'God, how much more annoying are they going to get?' Emma thought and bit her tongue to prevent the expletives her mind had atypically come up with in only a fraction of a second from slipping out.

"Okay, listen…."

"Hey!" a loud voice interrupted. All three of them turned towards Jenny who'd joined their table. "I've got a memo from Götting, too. And you know what it says?" she addressed the two troublemakers. "'If you ever bother Emma again you'll have a problem. With me." The two girls looked at each other a bit helplessly, not sure how to react. "I'm going to count to three now and then you'll be gone." Jenny continued confidently. "Three."

Emma laughed out loud as she remembered the dumbfounded expressions on the girls' faces before they'd left without another word. Jenny had definitely cared for her back then. She couldn't quite believe that this had happened just a couple of days ago. Which brought her back to the original question: Did Jenny still care or had she ruined it for good? Emma groaned, fully aware that her mind was running in recurring circles again like a merry-go-round. _'And it won't stop until you make up your mind and do something.'_

ooooo

Emma sat on the narrow two-seater in the school's recreation room, hugging her knees to her chest to gain some much needed warmth. Since Götting had shut down the school's heating system, the temperature had been constantly descending. They'd all squeezed into that small room, sitting on chairs, armchairs and on the floor, preparing for a cold night.

"These are the last ones, we've got to share." Jenny informed the others while she handed out the blankets she'd found on the premises. She stopped in front of Emma and offered her the last remaining blanket. "Here, take it." She couldn't help but realize how cute Emma looked, shivering and rubbing her knees to keep warm. _'Stop it, Jenny. You don't want to go there again.'_

"What about you?" Emma asked almost timidly.

"I'm not cold." _'Not as long as I'm going to spend the night next to you on that two-seater, anyway. Fuck, Jenny, get a grip, will you?'_

"Bullshit. I've already taken the last slice of pizza, the blanket's for you."

"Don't be ridiculous, take it!"

Emma shook her head stubbornly and hugged her knees even tighter.

"As long as you get your way, right?" Jenny replied, annoyance evident in her voice.

"Now look who's talking!" Emma snapped back.

"Fine. Suit yourself. Go on and freeze."

"I'm not cold!"

"Fine!" Jenny repeated, wrapped herself into the blanket and retreated to the far side of the couch. _'She'd rather freeze to death than accept something from me. How many times do I need to hear it? Who am I kidding anyway? When will I get it into my head that she doesn't share my feelings? No, scratch that, that she doesn't even like me? So stop making a fool of yourself!' _Jenny admonished herself. _'Just let her go. Please.'_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Don't you know – we're talking about a revolution… It sounds like a whisper…coz finally the tables are starting to turn…"

'_I love her voice.' _Emma thought while she was singing the refrain of Tracy Chapman's classic in an improvised duet with Jenny who seemed to enjoy their performance as well. She was more than glad that someone had thought of bringing a guitar and stroke up a song because it had palpably lessened the tension between Jenny and herself. She couldn't really explain why she'd reacted the way she had when Jenny offered her the last blanket. Stubborn. Pigheaded. Unrelenting. She wasn't usually like that. But being near Jenny made her feel weird somehow. The brunette triggered something inside her that she couldn't quite put into words. Whenever Jenny entered the room, Emma seemed to stumble over her words or – even worse – was rendered completely speechless. Just looking at Jenny made her forget what she was about to say or do. Instead she'd just stare at her for endless seconds, fascinated by Jenny's clear blue eyes, the confidence she emanated while she interacted with others, her beautiful smile… '_God, Emma! Would you listen to yourself?' _She felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks and didn't dare look in Jenny's direction as if she was afraid Jenny could be able to see her thoughts written squarely on her forehead.

The prospect of Jenny consequently avoiding her and showing her the cold shoulder like she'd done this afternoon as she'd accidentally knocked the blankets out of her arms made her cringe. But nonetheless she'd willingly alienated her again as she'd offered her the blanket. _'Why? Why can't I act normally around her?' _Emma wondered silently._ 'Because she's making my head spin.'_ she answered her own question. _'And her smile….her smile turns my knees into jelly. Every single time. But why? What's so special about her? Alright, so she's funny when she wants to be, and frighteningly self-confident most of the time, sometimes even recklessly blunt…but also courageous enough to let her guard down and kiss me. Just like that. And tell me that she's got a crush on me.' _But she'd seen it. She'd seen the fear in her eyes after their lips had parted. Jenny had been afraid of her reaction. But despite her initial harsh rejection Jenny hadn't given up, instead she'd laid her heart on a plate for her. _'And I've just shoved it in her face. Goddamn, Emma!' _Emma groaned and rubbed her hands again each other, her fingers already stiff from the cold. Emma looked around herself and noticed with a start that the others were already wrapped in their blankets, fast asleep, while she'd been racking her brains over Jenny. She realized that she was shivering despite her thick winter jacket and that she couldn't stop her teeth from chattering.

"I thought you're not freezing." Jenny suddenly whispered beside her.

"I'm not freezing." Emma replied automatically through her chattering teeth. _'V_e_ry convincing, Emma.'_

"Stop being silly and get under the blanket with me, will you?" Jenny whispered back, though this time her tone of voice was gentle. "Who's supposed to sleep with your teeth chattering like that?" She lifted the blanket and waited for Emma to slip beneath it. Emma hesitated for another second, then finally relented.

"Is this okay for you?" she asked after she'd shuffled around a bit, trying to cover herself with the blanket without taking too much of it for herself, carefully avoiding to lie too close to Jenny.

"Mh mh." Jenny mumbled sleepily.

"Is there still enough room for you?"

"Yes." Jenny whispered, her eyes already closed. "Sleep now."

'_God, she's way too close.'_ Emma felt suddenly warm but doubted that this was due to the flimsy blanket. She sneaked another peek at her and studied Jenny's even features in the semi-darkness, the soft curve of her mouth, the stray strand of hair that had fallen into her face. _'She's so beautiful.'_ The thought had come so naturally to her and for the first time it didn't frighten her. _'I would have to be blind to not see that.'_ Emma's gaze lingered on Jenny's lips. _'And she still cares. Even if she tries to hide it most of the time. She would have let me have the blanket all to myself without further ado despite everything that's happened between us.' _Emma took a deep breath. _'I do care, too.' _Emma weighed that thought in her head, examining it like a science object, probing it carefully for its pros and cons. _'I care.' _she repeated silently with a little more emphasis than before. _'Tell her. Don't be a coward for once.'_

"Jenny?" Emma whispered in her direction before she got the chance to change her mind again.

"Mh?"

"Are you asleep already?" _'God, Emma, what kind of a stupid question is that? Just tell her!'_

"How should I?" Jenny snorted quietly. "Either you're jittering or gibbering."

"I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?" Jenny mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"I…I know this may sound stupid now, or perhaps you don't really want to hear it, but…erm…" '_Just say it, Emma!' _But Emma was lost for words again, her mind blocked by an overwhelming jumble of emotions. Her gaze fell on Jenny' lips again, and before she really knew what she was about to do, she leant towards Jenny and tentatively laid her lips on hers. _'Oh my God.' _She was kissing her. She was kissing Jenny Hartmann. Jenny's eyes shot open with a start, but besides that, she didn't react at all, neither did she kiss her back nor push her away. Emma pulled back again, waiting for Jenny's reaction, but the brunette just looked at her with a mix of hopefulness and fear in her eyes. _'She thinks _I'm_ going to push her away again.'_

Emma closed the gap between them once more, and this time Jenny reacted immediately and kissed her back, carefully at first, her lips gently probing Emma's but yet so intently as if she wanted to burn this moment into her memory forever. _'Jenny.' _ Emma's mind was flooded with only one sensation. _‚JennyJennyJenny.' _The feeling of Jenny's soft lips on her own, her scent which filled her nostrils, her taste that mixed with her own, Jenny's hand holding on to her shoulder before it travelled into her hair, then down to her face where it gently caressed her cheek while her lips grew bolder and bolder, challenging Emma's to a slow dance which they happily accepted. Emma sighed when she felt Jenny's teeth gently nibble on her lower lip before she soothed it with her tongue, the sensation sending a jolt of electricity down Emma's spine. _'Oh God.'_ Gaining courage, Emma opened her mouth a bit wider to invite Jenny's tongue inside and couldn't help a little moan as it collided with her own, evoking an explosion of feelings inside her stomach that seemed to spread through her whole body at the speed of light. Emma broke the kiss, gasping for air, a wide smile spread across her face. Had she ever felt this happy? _'Not possible.'_ Emma answered her silent question. Her heart was doing somersaults inside her chest, over and over again, like she'd never experienced before.

"Are you still cold?" Jenny asked, smiling as well, her fingers still touching Emma's air, unwilling to break the contact.

"No." Emma laughed before she felt Jenny's lips on her own again, kissing her even more passionately than before. '_I could go on kissing her forever. And ever. And ever.'_

"Emma?"

They both started at the unexpected intrusion and broke apart. _'Hotte.' _He squinted at them and put his glasses on.

"Ohhhh…." he exclaimed with surprise as he realized what he'd stumbled into. "Hi…Jenny. Don't mind me…everything's just….fine." he stammered and left the room, clearly flabbergasted because of what he'd just observed.

"Poor him." Jenny laughed while Emma just sat there, shell-shocked. "I guess this was a bit much for him."

"Looks that way, doesn't it." Emma finally replied, worry written on her face.

"I bet he'll be telling this story to his grand-children some time." Jenny continued, still smiling widely.

"I'll better go and look after him." Emma said and got up to follow her friend outside.

ooooo

'_She kissed me.'_ Jenny thought for the thousandth time as if she still had to convince herself that last night's events hadn't just been a cruel dream. _'She kissed me and enjoyed it as much as I did.'_ Jenny still couldn't believe her luck. If someone had told her the previous morning that Emma didn't only like her but would kiss her like _that, _she would have rolled her eyes at the silly joke. Emma wasn't the first girl she'd kissed, but never had it felt like this. Not this intense, this breath-taking, this….perfect. _'Perfect._' she repeated in her head and smiled. _'She's perfect. Funny and gorgeous and intelligent and one of the most warm-hearted persons I've ever met.' _She couldn't bear the thought that Emma could change her mind again when the fear got the best of her. _'I can't let that happen.' _She knew it would break her heart for good this time, especially after she'd experienced what it would feel like to be with her.

They hadn't been able to talk about what happened last night. After Hotte and Emma had returned into the common room they'd remained quiet, fully aware that Hotte would listen to their every word. They'd finally fallen asleep, secretly holding hands beneath the blanket because the thought of not touching each other had been unbearable. Jenny laughed quietly. _'Secretly holding hands.'_ It sounded pathetic even to her own ears, as if they were twelve years old instead of eighteen, but she couldn't care less. She'd loved it. Just that simple touch had been enough to make her feel light-headed and ridiculously happy. This morning she'd woken up before Emma, had extricated herself from the blanket, careful not to wake her and had suppressed the urge to blow a soft kiss on Emma's forehead, afraid that one of her classmates might watch her. It didn't matter to her if anyone knew that she was kissing a girl, but she knew that Emma was far from ready for putting their relationship out in the open, and she respected that and would give her all the time she needed. _'Relationship? Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself here?'_ She had to smile at her own over-eagerness. _'Let's take this step by step. What if Emma regrets everything once she wakes up? What if her constant fear of being different from others gets the better of her again? What if, what if, what if.' _Jenny slowly shook her head. _'Stop torturing yourself with worst-case scenarios, would you?'_

Jenny inserted another coin into the coffee vending machine and waited for the paper cup to be filled to its brim before she carefully retrieved it and put it next to the others on a tablet.

"Good morning, sleepy-heads!" she exclaimed loudly as she entered the common room and started handing out the still steaming cups. Her heart skipped a beat as her gaze fell on Emma who rubbed her eyes sleepily and finally met her gaze. And it was all there. Confusion. Fear. And something else she couldn't quite decipher. _'Please don't regret it. Please. I wouldn't be able to stand that.'_

"Coffee?" Jenny asked her quietly. Emma merely nodded and took hold of the paper cup, her eyes not leaving Jenny's. "Did you sleep okay?" Jenny ventured, hoping to elicit some kind of reaction from her. Emma nodded again, but this time she smiled while her cheeks turned slightly crimson. _'She smiled. This has to be a good sign, right?'_ Jenny turned towards the whole group, satisfied with that little success. "Okay, let's go, there's a lot of work to do! I'm going to take a look at the banners to see where we'll put them."

"I'll help you." Jenny almost dropped the tablet as she heard Emma's voice.

"Great." she said and felt a wide smile spread across her face. _'Don't do anything stupid now. Don't blow it.'_

"Okay, I'd say the large banner works best right above the entrance. What do you think?" she asked Emma as soon as they'd entered the art room and examined the placards and banners Emma and Hotte had drawn the previous day.

"Good idea. And the smaller banner over there would fit nicely into the entrance hall."

"Yes! How about rolling this one up then?"

"Okay!"

They both got on their knees and started to roll up the banner from opposite sides, slowly working towards each other. As Jenny looked up, she realized with a start that her face was only a few centimeters apart from Emma's. Emma stared at her with such an intensity that she felt hot and cold all at once. _'You're killing me.' _Her gaze flickered down to Emma's lips. _'No Jenny, don't push your luck.' _She locked gazes with Emma again. Emma's eyes burnt into hers - no more fear, no more confusion. Instead a decisiveness she hadn't seen in them before. Without further ado, Emma leant towards her and kissed her or the lips, not much more than a peck before she pulled back again, such a beautiful mischievous smile on her face that Jenny literally felt her heart melt. This time Jenny didn't hesitate and leant in herself, a wide smile on her face as well. If she'd had a once in a lifetime chance to stop time, she would have used that option now without a second thought. She felt Emma's hands on her face, holding her, before Emma broke the kiss, rested her forehead against hers and looked at her so lovingly that she felt hear heart melt all over again. '_Please don't let me be dreaming.' _She claimed Emma's lips once more, starving for their touch, as another thought found its way into her head, all-consuming and yet totally unexpected. _'God help me, I'm in love with her.'_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

'_Outing yourself in front of your classmates or colleagues requires a lot of courage. In most cases the reactions are positive. It is an important step which cannot be reversed.'_ Emma looked up from the brochure which she'd hidden inside an exercise book. Could she really do that? What if she wasn't even gay? Perhaps she was just bi. Or just into Jenny. She couldn't even explain it to herself, how should she be able to explain it to her friends then? What was she supposed to say anyway? _'Guess what, Jenny and I , we kissed and it was amazing.' _ Emma shook her head. First of all that would be the understatement of the year. Kissing Jenny had been far more than amazing. It had been…indescribable. Unique. Overwhelming. Only thinking about it was enough to make Emma's head spin. They'd been kissing endlessly last night until Hotte had walked in on them, and even afterwards they'd lain on the couch as close to each other as possible without being too conspicuous and had still been holding hands beneath the blanket, both of them unwilling to break the physical contact. And this morning when they'd been on their own in the art room and Jenny's face had been right in front of her she hadn't been able to resist and claimed her lips again. But what did this all mean? Was Jenny her girlfriend now? _'Girlfriend.' _Emma rolled the word around in her head, trying to get used to it. _'Jenny Hartmann is my girlfriend.' _She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. _'Wow.' _

She thought back to the time about a year and a half ago when she'd still been with her former boyfriend. He'd been nice enough, but if she was perfectly honest she had to admit that she'd kind of stumbled into that relationship before she'd really figured out for herself if the feelings she had for him were more than mere friendship. After only seven months they'd called it a day as they'd acknowledged to themselves that they just didn't fit. But with Jenny everything felt different right from the start. Jenny simply took her breath away and filled her heart with so many feelings that it might burst any second. Her desperate attempt to run away from Jenny and the turmoil of emotions she evoked in her had been futile right from the beginning, her initial denial crumbling away piece by piece until she hadn't been able to lie to herself any longer. But what about her friends now? Should she tell them? And what about her family? What would her parents say when instead of a potential son-in-law she'd introduce a girl?

"Ooh, sorry."

Emma gave a start at the sound of Hotte's voice and hurriedly closed the brochure.

"I thought this room might be empty. What are you doing in here, Emma?"

"Oh, I…I just wanted to be by myself for a little while. Preventing cabin fever, you know."

Hotte opened his mouth to utter a reply but Emma had already blanked him out again, suddenly caught up by her bad conscience. She'd lied to him the night before, too shocked by him walking in on them. Her own words still rang in her ears. _'Girls sometimes do things like this. You said yourself that Jenny always does things she's set her mind on, just to give it a try. It's been an experiment and it didn't mean anything.'_ Not only had she lied to her best friend, even worse she'd diminished those wonderful hours she'd had with Jenny into some kind of silly experiment between schoolgirls. _'If I can't even tell Hotte about my feelings for Jenny, how am I supposed to tell the others then? Luzi, Timo, Ben, my parents?'_

"Wow, Emma, you won't guess what…"

"Hotte! Which part of the fact that I wanted to be on my own didn't you understand?" Emma interrupted him harshly, regretting her outburst at once. Before her weird mood would get the better of her again she hurriedly grabbed her bag and left.

ooooo

When Emma entered the common room, her gaze immediately fell on Jenny who sat on the two-seater all on her own, absent-mindedly leafing through a magazine with head-phones on. She paused and just watched her until Jenny looked up. The way Jenny's face lit up and broke in a wide smile when she saw her made Emma's heart swell again.

"Hey." Jenny smiled as Emma flopped down beside her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I just mulled over things."

"Over us?"

"Did you know that homosexuals are still facing reprisals? And I'm not talking about outspoken discrimination but about behavioral patterns of implicit discrimination."

"Emma!" Jenny laughed. "Did you memorize some kind of coming-out brochure?"

"No!" Emma laughed, a bit embarrassed now. "I just read up on it a bit."

"Emma, listen." Jenny started, suddenly serious. "You don't have to do that."

"What?"

"No one expects from you a public coming-out in front of all the others."

"But we'll have to tell the others someday." Emma insisted.

"Why?" Jenny asked matter-of-factly.

"Because the others will be wondering what's going on between us."

"Well, let them wonder. That's not our problem, is it?"

Emma groaned. "Now I'm completely confused. I've read so many times now that this is normal. But what am I now? Am I lesbian or bi or what?"

Jenny smiled at her so warmly that Emma would have kissed her hadn't she been afraid of someone barging into the common room any moment.

"You're Emma." Jenny simply said as if this was the only thing that mattered.

ooooo

"I can't believe Hotte is leaving." Emma said for the umpteenth time. Jenny smiled at her lovingly and wished she could help her somehow. She could only guess how hard it had to be for Emma to lose her best friend whom she'd known since her childhood days. She'd never had a friend like that in her life, a constant companion who stood by her through thick and thin. Emma had been reminiscing about hers and Hotte's shared adventures and experiences since the STAG and finally Hotte had left the auditorium after Hotte's final performance.

"The last time I've thought about my marriage I was still playing with dolls." Emma laughed. "Back then I wanted Hotte to marry me. After all he was the only boy who didn't tease me!"

"Hmm…I guess I should be glad then that Hotte is leaving for Las Vegas." Jenny replied with a wink.

"Yeah. He's really leaving." Emma repeated, sadness creeping back into her voice again. She moved towards Jenny who took hold of her hand. _'I'll be there for you.' _Jenny promised silently. She'd do anything to help her make the first steps into that new phase of her life where she'd have to say goodbye to her long-time friend and at the same time accept that she had fallen for a girl. She knew from personal experience how hard it could be to face the reactions of your family and friends or hurtful insults from others who couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that loving a girl was neither a terrible sin nor something to be ashamed of.

Emma still held on to her hand and sat down next to Jenny on the piano bench. "We're all alone in here." Emma said quietly, her face only centimeters away from Jenny's. Jenny could only nod, transfixed by Emma's lips right in front of her. _'I love you.'_ At first, that thought had frightened the hell out of her but she was getting used to it and hoped that someday she'd have the courage to say it out loud. She sighed contentedly as Emma's lips touched her own and lost herself in the tender kiss. _'I love kissing her. I love _everything_ about her, I…'_

"Emma, did Hotte finally re…..erm…reappear…" They both started at the sound of Timo's voice. _'Shitshitshit.'_ They hurriedly broke apart and turned towards Timo who looked at them with wide eyes as s if he couldn't quite believe what he'd just observed.

All of a sudden Emma jumped up from the bench and pushed Jenny away. "Are you crazy? How dare you?" she shouted at a flabbergasted Jenny who stared at her in shock. _'No. She didn't really do this. Please tell me this is just a terrible nightmare.' _But one look at Emma's panicked expression told her that her mind hadn't been playing a cruel trick on her. It had been real. And it couldn't have been worse if Emma had just slapped her in the face. '_How could she? How could she do this to me?'_ Jenny gulped down the angry tears which threatened to well up in her eyes. _'I would have done anything for her. I would have given her all the time she needed.' _She felt her own expression turn to stone as Emma turned on her heels and almost ran out of the auditorium.

ooooo

"Emma!" Jenny shouted as she tried to catch up with her.

Emma halted but couldn't look her in the eye. "I'm sorry." she mumbled.

"You're sorry!" Jenny snorted angrily. "You made me look like a horny lesbian in front of Timo and everything you can come up with is that you're sorry?" _'She doesn't even realize how much she hurt me.'_

"I just can't do this." Emma looked at Jenny pleadingly. "The others have already marked me down as a complete loser, and if they pick up on the fact that I have a crush on you…"

"For fuck's sake, would you stop worrying about what the others are thinking of you for once?" Jenny exploded. "You shouldn't give a shit about that!"

"It's not that easy for me!"

'_Face it – she cares more about what the others might think of her than she cares about me.' _Jenny just looked at the blonde in front of her before she nodded slowly. "Yes. I can see that."

"What do you mean with that?"

"I wanted to give you time because I know how hard it is, first of all you have to figure things out for yourself. But after that stunt you pulled I'm not sure if it makes that much sense anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"You need to make a decision, Emma! If you want to be with me then we'll be seeing this through together and I won't let you down, I promise. I don't expect a public outing from you or anything, but this….this is an absolute no-go!" With that, Jenny turned on her heels and walked away. _'How many times will I let her break my heart? I am so fucking stupid!'_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Isn't it weird that I make the same mistake twice?" Luzi laughed bitterly. "First I'm friends with Timo and he lies to me because of Sophie, then I'm his girlfriend and he lies to me again because of her."

Emma looked at her friend who sat on the opposite bed in the little hotel room they shared while they were staying in Hamburg with the STAG. What should she say to her? She wasn't really an expert when it came to happy relationships, was she? She hadn't even had the guts to face Jenny again to apologize for her behavior. She'd ruined it, she'd ruined it for good, and it was all her fault. But the prospect of admitting her feelings for Jenny to Timo had just been too much for her. She'd panicked. The images were still so vivid in her head as if it had all happened five minutes ago. Jenny's shocked face as she'd pushed her away. The hurt in her eyes when she'd yelled at her. _'How dare you?'_ Her own accusation still echoed in her mind_. 'I wanted to give you time because I know how hard it is, first of all you have to figure things out for yourself. But after that stunt you pulled I'm not sure if it makes that much sense anymore.' _Jenny's words still cut through her like a knife. What had she done? And most of all – why? _'Because you're a coward.' _Emma answered her silent question. And now she'd lost her because she hadn't been able to handle her fear.

"Perhaps Timo is just afraid and that thing with Sophie doesn't mean anything at all." Emma ventured carefully, fully aware that she was transferring her own feelings on Luzi's situation.

"If you're in love with someone you shouldn't be afraid." Luzi replied with conviction.

"But sometimes it's not that easy!" Emma insisted, not really sure if she was defending Timo or herself right now.

"We're not talking about stage fright here! I'm talking about a real relationship."

"Me too!"

Luzi looked at Emma carefully. "I didn't know that you're in love."

"I'm not!" Emma denied hurriedly and avoided Luzi's inquiring gaze. "I…I'm just reading this book, you know, about two friends who hate each other at first but then they realize that they actually like each other….a lot…or even…more than that."

Luzi studied her again for a couple of seconds. "Hm. And?" she asked softly.

"Ah…it's actually so depressing that I don't really want to read any further."

"What happened?"

"One of them hurt the other a lot because he was too scared to admit his feelings." Emma continued hesitantly, gulping down the tears which threatened to well up in her eyes.

Luzi nodded slowly. "I think those two friends really need to talk to each other."

"But what if…what if he isn't so good with words?"

Luzi smiled. "Well, then she should…I mean _he_ should write down what he wants to say." she said gently. "The most important thing is that they're honest with each other. Otherwise they'll hurt each other even more."

Emma nodded, grateful for her friend's advice and that she'd played along although it was more than obvious that she'd been talking about herself. Luzi was right. She had to explain her feelings to Jenny if she didn't want to lose her. _' If it's not already too late for that.'_

ooooo

Jenny's body writhed to the pumping beats while the flickering light effects drew a maze of colors on her skin. She laughed at Ben who was dancing close to her, his hands on her hips. She was glad she'd called him and gone to Chulo's instead of licking her wounds at home. The whole evening she'd lain in the Bergmanns' living-room, wallowing in self-pity, the images of Emma kissing her and pushing her away shortly afterwards doing constant reruns in her head. _'I can't believe she did this to me. I don't cry over people. I don't cry, period.' _Jenny flung her arms around Ben's neck and pulled him closer. _'And I can't believe I've been this stupid. How could I make myself so vulnerable?' _Jenny threw her head back and lifted her arms up in the air, abandoning herself to the music, fully aware of the impact her rhythmic movements had on Ben and the other guys surrounding her. _'They wouldn't think twice if I told them I wanted them. They wouldn't push me away or be ashamed when anyone saw them kissing me.'_ She defiantly lifted her head and licked her lips before she broke into a suggestive smile. "Why don't we take this somewhere else?" Ben didn't hesitate and took hold of her hand, dragging her behind himself towards the exit. _'Fuck you, Emma.'_

Only minutes later they stumbled through Ben's father's front door, giggling and slightly tipsy. Ben turned her towards himself, looking at her with a smile on his face, waiting for some kind of signal that she really wanted to go through with this. _'If I were into men I'd say he's cute.' _she thought and pulled him roughly against herself. Ben needn't be asked twice and followed Jenny's lead, pushed her against the wall of the hallway and kissed her passionately. She felt his soft stubble graze her skin and couldn't help the mental image that had flickered into her mind. Emma's soft lips on her own, kissing her so gently yet so intently that it took her breath away. _'No.'_ she thought angrily and sneaked her hands beneath Ben's shirt, running her nails down his back before she pulled him with her down on the stairs, edging him on. Ben pushed her jacket down her shoulders and started kissing down her neck. As she closed her eyes she saw Emma's face in front of her, the way she'd looked at her after their endless kiss on the couch. Happy. Amazed. Gorgeous. _'Fuck you, Emma.'_ she repeated silently and grabbed Ben's hand to pull him up again and drag him towards her bedroom. Once they'd entered the dimly-lit room she took off his shirt and started to kiss him hungrily, desperately trying to forget how different Emma's kiss had been. She'd never wanted it to stop, although she'd almost been shocked by the wave of emotions the blonde hat elicited in her. _'Stop it.' _She let herself fall down on the bed, pulled Ben on top of her before she rolled them over and pulled her own shirt over her head in one fluid motion. She reached behind her back and opened the clasp of her bra. _'Fuck you, Emma.'_ she repeated for the third time as the straps of her bra slid down her arms.

ooooo

She didn't know how long she'd just sat there, staring at the mint-green wall of the hotel room. Luzi had left some while ago to find them something to eat. Emma knew that Luzi was right. She had to tell Jenny about the feelings she held for her. And as her mind seemed to turn blank whenever she was near her, she'd decided to take Luzi's advice and write it all down. She couldn't get Jenny's hurt expression out of her mind. _'What if she can't forgive me?'_ Emma slowly shook her head. _'What if she's sick of my cowardice?'_ She couldn't lose her. Not now that she…. Emma hesitated before she finished that thought in her head. _'Not now that I'm in love with her.' _Emma brushed a lonely tear away that had trickled down her face and started to write.

'_Dear Jenny, I don't really know where to begin. I don't even know if you're able to forgive me. I'm sitting here in Hamburg and the only thing I can think about is you. Never before have I felt so much for anyone like I do for you. Our kiss was the best thing that ever happened to me. But despite all this I managed to hurt you. Because I was too much of a coward to admit my feelings for you in front of Timo. I'm so ashamed of my behavior. Nonetheless I can't promise that I will be brave enough when it happens the next time. I wish you could help me to gain a little bit more courage. Yours, Emma.'_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jenny slowly blinked her eyes open against the blinding light of the morning sun that shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows of her bedroom. Her gaze fell on Ben who lay next to her, still fast asleep. "Oh fuck." Jenny groaned quietly and pulled the blanket up to her neck. _'Fuckfuckfuck.' _What had she done? Her fucking pride had got the better of her. _'You had to prove a point, hadn't you? That you don't give a shit about anyone. No one pushes you away just like that, right? God, you're such a fucking idiot!' _Jenny bit her lip and closed her eyes, willing the memories of last night's events away. Ben had offered her an out several times but she'd insisted, blinded by her anger for Emma. Jenny took a deep breath to clear her head. _'Emma doesn't want you anyway, she made that more than clear. She toyed a bit with the idea of being with a girl before she realized that being an out lesbian is no bed of roses and hurriedly backed away. So why do you even care? She obviously doesn't.'_ She knew the answer although she tried to fight it tooth and nail. _'Because you're in love with her, and there isn't a switch which can be flipped to turn these feelings off like a lamp.'_ She wished she could just forget about her, though. Every time she lay eyes on her in school she was hurtfully reminded of what she'd once had, even if it had lasted only a few days. Emma hadn't even had the guts to talk to her after her sorry excuse in the school corridor. On the contrary she'd even hidden behind a pillar to evade her, really, how silly was that? Although it had been kind of cute. Or it _would_ have been cute if Jenny hadn't got her hopes up after she'd seen Emma sneaking up on her. _'She doesn't want you. When will you get that into your head?'_

ooooo

"And here's a song for all lovers or those who'd like to fall in love and for all…"

"Oh for fuck's sake, shut up!" Jenny exclaimed loudly and shut the radio off.

"Pardon?" Stefan said as he walked into the kitchen, slightly irritated.

"I didn't mean you." Jenny sighed and flopped down on the kitchen chair again. Did she just imagine it or was everyone around her talking about love lately? _'What's the sense of love anyway? It only makes you hurt like hell.'_ She was dreading going to school today. She'd hoped that seeing Emma would grow less and less painful with time but she couldn't have been more wrong about that. Every time she caught a glimpse of her she was hit not only by an almost physical ache that ripped through her but also by a pang of guilt and regret. Sleeping with Ben had been a huge mistake and she wished she could undo it somehow. Ben had been more than nice about the whole thing and promised her to keep his mouth shut. Too bad that Caro had got wind of it somehow. _'Rookie mistake. Who talks about things like this in a washroom without checking the stalls beforehand?'_ She was glad that she'd only faltered for a second when Caro had confronted her and had shoved Caro's so-called 'advice' right back in her face. '_You shouldn't draw any conclusions from your example. I'm not interested in a relationship with Ben. The only thing I wanted was good sex, and that's what I got. Satisfied? Your nosiness, I mean.'_ Which had been a blunt lie, but what did she care? '_Stupid phoney bitch, if she thought she could drive me into a corner then she didn't see that one coming.'_

"This one's for you." Stefan said and handed her a letter while he flicked through the remaining mail. Jenny looked up, surprise written on her face.

"Who's still writing letters in the twenty-first century?" she snorted before her heart missed a beat as she read the name of the sender. _'Emma.'_ With trembling fingers she carefully opened the envelope, glad that Stefan wasn't a morning person and not really communicative before he'd had his first cup of coffee. She remembered their weird conversation yesterday morning. _'Did you receive any mail? Because sometimes…sometimes people receive letters, you know?'_ She'd thought that Emma had just talked about the first thing that had popped into her mind just so that she didn't have to talk about the one topic that hung between them like a big pink elephant. But it all made sense now. Jenny studied the two cards and hesitated before she turned them over. _'No need to be a coward now, it can't possibly get any worse, right?'_ Jenny felt her throat constrict after she'd read the first sentences. _'Emma...'_ She bit her lip and continued reading with bleary eyes. _‚EmmaEmmaEmma.'_ What had she done? Emma had just admitted her love for her, and she'd already ruined it. _'No. _Please_ no.'_ She'd just slept with Ben because she'd been so angry for Emma hurting her like that. But it hadn't meant anything to her. The feeling of triumph she'd expected after seducing Ben hadn't set in though, instead she hadn't been able to get Emma out of her mind. Although they hadn't really been together it had felt like the ultimate betrayal. _'I'm such a fucking idiot.'_ She had to tell her. If Emma offered them a new beginning then she didn't want to start this with a lie. She _couldn't._ Her blood froze as a frightening thought sneaked into her mind. _'Caro. What if she can't keep her big mouth shut and Emma finds out from her before I can tell her myself?' _Jenny jumped up from her seat, grabbed the cards and her handbag and almost ran towards the door. _'Who are you kidding, Jenny? Caro won't waste any time to share that little piece of gossip with as many people as possible. I have to beat her to it.'_

"Jenny, what…." she heard Stefan call after her but she ignored him and didn't break her stride.

ooooo

Emma sat on a couch in the school's break hall and leafed through her exercise book to prepare for the next lesson. She couldn't really concentrate on anything because she got distracted by the girls next to her who'd been sharing the newest gossip for at least half an hour now. Why couldn't they just mind their own business instead of badmouthing others? She groaned quietly and rolled her eyes as she saw Caro approaching. _'Great, it has to get even worse, hasn't it?'_

"Hey! Have you already heard the latest from Ben?" Before the others could form a reply Caro continued, eager to share the exciting tidbits of information she'd gathered. "So he's still heart-broken over me, my ass! He already consoled himself with another chick!"

"What? With whom?"

"With Jenny!" Caro smiled triumphantly, pleased for being the one to spread Jenny's dirty little secret.

"You're so full of shit!" Emma exploded, much to her surprise. "Take it back!"

"Why should I do that?" Caro asked with a wicked smile on her face. "I'm absolutely sure about that. Ben and Jenny fucked each other! Perhaps Ben blew her off at first, but as horny as she is she probably threw herself at him until he…"

"You're lying!" Emma was almost shouting now. "And I won't allow you to spread all these mean lies about Jenny. So shut up, or I'll…"

"Or what?" Caro interrupted and threateningly rose to her full height. "How about calming down again?"

"Not before you admit that you made it all up!"

"Why are you even getting all upset about this? If you want to fuck him too, all you have to do is spread your legs. Ben isn't too picky about this, otherwise he hadn't gone to bed with that slut Jenny…"

The sound of Emma's hand slapping hard against Caro's cheek echoed through the break hall like a thunderclap. _'I hit her.'_ Emma thought, astonished by her outbreak. She couldn't remember that she'd ever done this before. "Take it back." Emma repeated quietly.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Caro yelled, and before Emma knew what was happening, Caro pushed her down on the couch and attacked her with a vengeance. _'Oh my God, I can't believe I did this.'_ Emma thought as two strong arms tore Caro away from her and Timo lifted her up to her feet. _'This whole situation is driving me crazy, I have to talk to Jenny or I'm going to explode.'_

ooooo

"Ben!" Jenny called out, clearly out of breath as the hurried into the school building. "Have you seen Emma? I need to talk to her before she runs into Caro, it's a matter of life an d death, really!"

"I'm afraid you're too late for that." Ben answered vaguely.

"Why?"

"Caro and Emma, they had a fight. Timo and I pulled them apart, but it wasn't easy."

"Was it because of us? I mean, does she know about us?" Jenny couldn't help the panicky undertone that had crept into her voice.

Ben only nodded and shrugged apologetically.

"Shit!" Jenny closed her eyes in desperation. _'Fuckfuckfuck! She will never ever forgive me for this! I am so fucking _fucking_ stupid!'_

"Could you explain to me why this is a problem now? I mean, we had sex, okay, but what does Emma have to do with this?"

"I don't have time for explanations now. Do you know where she is?"

"I think she's in the auditorium, but…." Jenny had already turned on her heels and was running up the stairs on her way to the auditorium, leaving a flabbergasted Ben behind. _'I have to explain this to her. And she has to believe me that it didn't mean a thing. Please.'_ She pushed the glass doors open with so much vigor that she almost lost her balance.

"Emma!"

"Jenny…."

Luzi grabbed Timo's hand and dragged him towards the exit. "We better go and leave them to it."

"But…" Timo started, but Luzi insisted and closed the door behind them.

"Emma...Emma, I received your cards and they really knocked me off my feet and…"

"Then you're not mad at me anymore because I reacted so strangely after our kiss?"

"That doesn't matter at all now." Jenny nervously brushed a stray strand of hair from her face. "Emma, listen, I need to tell you something…." _'Please don't hate me for this.'_

"No, wait. God, I was so afraid that I ruined this for good, and then Caro started telling all these mean lies…."

"Emma!"

"But it was all nonsense, of course you didn't sleep with Ben, and…"

"It's true." Jenny interrupted because listening to Emma even a second longer would have destroyed her. "We….we had sex." _'Please don't hate me. Please let me explain.'_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Emma stared at Jenny with wide eyes. _'No. This can't be true. She can't have slept with Ben, she's just kidding me.'_ But one look at Jenny's pained expression made her heart freeze. Jenny was paler than usual and looking at her almost pleadingly while she stumbled over her words.

"We had sex but it didn't mean anything. It just happened!"

'_It just happened? It just _happened? _She can't be serious. I can't believe it. How…with Ben….how _could _she?'_

"I thought you weren't into boys." Emma blurted out, completely thrown by Jenny's admission.

"I'm not! Not really, anyway. Emma, I'm into you!" Jenny pleaded, desperation evident in her voice. "I just….I didn't believe that the two of us still had a chance, but then I received your cards and….Emma, I feel the same way for you!"

'_Does she even listen to herself? Does she realize how pathetic she sounds? And I even fought Caro for her. God, I'm such a fool. Such a bloody fool!'_ Emma blinked some angry tears away. No. She wouldn't cry in front of her. Not ever again. Her gaze fell on the cards in Jenny's hand. _'She was even bold enough to bring them with her. As if she hadn't already hurt me enough she still dares to wave them in front of my face like a symbol of victory. I'm such a gullible idiot. Endlessly I racked my brain about how I could apologize to her. If she'd ever forgive me. What she could possibly see in me. And what's the first thing she does when things get a little bit difficult between us? She runs off and fucks the first available guy! And now she honestly expects me to let her wave this away with so much as an 'Oups, somehow it just happened because I thought things wouldn't work out between us?' _Emma felt the anger inside her rise to its boiling point.

"What I wrote on those cards," Emma said with a barely controlled voice and took the cards out of Jenny's hands, "Forget about it. I was wrong." With that, she threw them at Jenny's feet and started walking away.

"Emma!"

"You've been taking the piss, haven't you? It was all a game to you. Just a fucking game!" Emma yelled, all self-control lost.

"That's not true!"

"Just leave me alone! I don't believe a single word of what you're saying!" Before Jenny could say anything else Emma stormed out of the auditorium. _'I hate her. I fucking hate her!'_

ooooo

Jenny slowly awoke from her paralysis as she felt hot tears streaming down her face. '_No. No! This can't be happening.' _Emma. She'd lost her. She'd lost her for good this time. _'But I love her. Can't she see that?' _Jenny angrily wiped her cheek. _'Yeah. And that was one hell of a way to show her how much I love her, wasn't it? Having sex with Ben, that's a real proof of undying love. Fuck!'_ And the only explanation she'd come up with? _'It just happened!' _She'd wanted to tell her so much more, but somehow she hadn't been able to find the words, the look of shock and utter disappointment on Emma's face too much for her. _'I have to tell her what she means to me. I have to.'_

With that thought in her mind she ran after her and caught a glimpse of Emma as she disappeared into the washroom. Jenny hurried after her and followed her inside. Emma had locked herself into one of the stalls, so Jenny just leant against the tiled wall.

"Emma, I know that you're in there. Please come out." She'd known that Emma wouldn't make it that easy. "Okay…then I'll stay here, too. Emma, look, that thing with Ben, it didn't mean anything at all! I was just so frustrated because things between us were so fucked up somehow, and then I went to that party and drank way too much because I wanted to get you out of my head. Stupid, I know." She made a few steps towards Emma's stall. "Hey. I know that this will sound even more stupid but...sleeping with a guy, it's completely meaningless! But I'd never have done that with another girl. I just...I couldn't have done it. Because of you, you know?" Jenny sighed. "Emma, what I really want to say is that…since we're going out of each other's way I'm pretty much useless. Everything I do ends in a mess somehow. I just…I want to wait tables with you again. Hang up placards with you. Invoke ghosts with you. Share blankets with you. Emma, I want to do everything with you as long as we're together! I just can't imagine being without you anymore." Jenny bit her lip and closed her eyes, willing Emma silently to forgive her. _'Please, Emma. Every word I said is true. You have to believe me.' _"Emma…."

She gave a start as Emma suddenly stormed out of the stall and slammed the door behind herself. "Don't 'Emma' me!" the blonde exploded. "What's this all about? All your jabbering? If you're really _so_ in love with me, then why are you making out with the guy of all guys? I just don't get it!"

"But I just explained to you that…"

"No!" Emma shouted. "You didn't explain anything! Besides the fact that you fucked me over right from the start! Do you realize that I almost outed myself? Thank God I didn't do that!"

"Hey…."

"And? Was your little experiment successful? 'Can I achieve that little Emma thinks that she's into women?' Yes, you succeeded, congratulations!"

"It wasn't an experiment!"

"Just go away! Or you know what? Stay! I'm going! And don't dare follow me again!"

Jenny leant her head against the stall door and closed her eyes. It would have hurt less if Emma had just slapped her in the face. _'So that's it. Over and out.' _This time she'd said everything she'd wanted to say, but obviously it hadn't been enough. She'd been afraid that Emma wouldn't understand, but she'd still hoped for a miracle. _'How should she understand? My excuses sound lame even to my own ears. But it's the truth, I'd swear that by anything that's important to me! Sleeping with Ben, It didn't mean anything. It was just a sorry attempt to stop thinking about her for a couple of minutes, and it didn't even work!'_ Not ever had she seen Emma so furious. _'I hurt her so much and she gave it right back to me. Suits me right.'_

"Hey…erm….are you all right?"

Jenny hurriedly blinked her eyes open and stared at the girl she didn't even recognize.

"I'm fine." she lied and left in a hurry.

ooooo

"Emma, what the hell are you doing?" Luzi asked half surprised, half angry and wiped at her lips.

"I…I'm sorry!" Emma stammered. _'I kissed her. I kissed Luzi in front of Jenny, for fuck's sake! What kind of a low blow was that?'_

"I don't get you, really!" Luzi shook her head and walked away towards the others who were still swaying to a long-forgotten 80s song.

"Great performance!" Jenny exclaimed, seething with rage. "So that's your birthday present for me, I take it?"

"No! I…"

"You know, if you wanted to come down on me like a ton of bricks to hurt me then you succeeded!"

"Jenny, I…."

But Jenny had already walked away. _'Fuck! What did I do that for? It's her birthday but instead of congratulating her all I can do is pull this stupid stunt on her!' _ She noticed that Luzi, Timo and Ben were looking at her quizzically from the far side of the Bergmann's living-room, but she didn't dare join them, too ashamed of what she'd done. What kind of an explanation could she have given anyway? _'Sorry for acting like a total freak but Jenny slept with Ben although I'm in love with her and this was my sorry attempt to get back at her? Yeah, right, great idea, Emma!'_ Since Jenny's admission the previous week she hadn't really recognized herself anymore. _'This is just not me.'_ She wasn't a vengeful person, someone who took pleasure in hurting others just to get back at them. But she couldn't get that image out of her head – Jenny and Ben, kissing, touching, discarding their clothes in a heated frenzy, having sex with each other in Jenny's bed. Every time she thought about it the pictures her mind came up with appeared even more vivid, more real, more devastating, ripping at her heart with a brutal force. Never before had she felt so betrayed. Jenny's earlier words still rang in her ears.

"Emma, you know that I never played a game with you, not a single second. I always stood by you. And you? You just push me away only because Timo saw us kissing!"

"Yeah. And while I'm writing a lengthy letter to apologize, you take the next best guy to make out with him!"

"Jesus Christ, it wasn't about making out! Emma, I don't give a shit about Ben. I want to be with _you_."

"You know, I'd really like to believe you, but you don't have the slightest idea how much you hurt me!"

"Emma, believe me, it didn't mean anything to me."

"To me it did."

"Okay, you don't want to get it. Then don't."

"Me? It's you who doesn't get it!"

So what if it didn't mean anything to Jenny? Did that make it any less painful? _'No.'_ But hadn't she just done the same to get back at Jenny? Hadn't she kissed Luzi just to spite her? Of course the short kiss had only been the measure at hand to turn the tables between them. _'God, Emma, you're acting like a five-year-old. This is not only childish but even completely ridiculous. And what good did it do anyway? Are you feeling any better now? No. So what do you want, Emma? You want Jenny to undo her fling with Ben but as that's impossible…what is it that you really want? _Jenny._ It's Jenny I want more than anything, despite all that happened these last days.' _Emma debated shortly with herself if she should go after her but decided against it. Jenny had been so angry when she left, she wouldn't even listen to her now. _'We have to stop hurting each other like this. I hope it's not too late already.'_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

She felt Emma approaching even before she saw her. She couldn't help glance over her shoulder to confirm her inkling but hurriedly turned around again and continued to rummage around in her locker. An unwanted memory flashed up in her mind. _'In front of these lockers is where it all began, isn't it? Where I kissed her for the very first time. How much I hoped that she'd feel the same way for me as I do for her.'_ Jenny gulped the emotions down which threatened to overwhelm her and tried to compose herself. _'No. I won't go there again. It's over. I can't do this anymore.'_

"I was looking for you." Emma offered almost hesitantly. "With Luzi. Not as a couple, not at all, just as friends, you know….because….yesterday….I just wanted to show you how I felt about you and Ben, and…"

"I know." Jenny interrupted impatiently. "Very mature."

"Jenny, I believe you now that your fling with Ben didn't mean anything."

Jenny almost laughed out loud, barely able to hide her anger. _'She has to be kidding me, right? That's what I told her over and over again, and all she did was slap my apologies back in my face. But I won't fall for her again. I'm done with all this. And even if it's going to hurt like hell for a while, someday my feelings for her will disappear.'_

"Good for you." Jenny snapped and took another folder out of her locker.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm tidying up all the shit that's gathered in here." She turned around and faced Emma whose contrite expression tugged at her heart. _'No. I won't give in again. I'm going to end it. Here and now.'_

"You don't know what you want, Emma. And when I take the things that I want, you're freaking out. It's always forwards and backwards with you, and I'm so sick of this! It's like being in kindergarten again. I'm above all this. I came to Cologne to begin anew but somehow I turned into the wrong direction. Towards you. It will be best if I go backwards again, start again and forget about you forever." Jenny grabbed her bag and walked away before the look of painful disappointment on Emma's face could change her mind again. _'Goodbye, Emma.'_

ooooo

'_Jenny is leaving. And it's all my fault.'_ These two sentences were the only thing Emma had been able to think about since she'd overheard Jenny's phone call with her mother. _'How could I be so damn stupid? How could I let her go?'_ She'd been devastated when Jenny told her that she'd slept with Ben. But hadn't it also been another sorry excuse for herself to reconsider her decision to be with Jenny? She hadn't even been able to admit her feelings for Jenny to Timo – one of her closest friends who she'd known for years. Hadn't she just taken the final chance to back out and hide under the safety blanket of normalcy so she wouldn't be confronted with rejection or abusive comments from others? _'You've been such a coward, Emma. Again. It's hardly surprising that Jenny can't bear this any longer.'_ Emma jumped out of the bus before the doors had fully opened. _'I have to find her before it's too late. I can't lose her now. I just can't.'_ Emma ran into the station and scanned the nearest train schedule for the time of departure for trains to London before she hurried towards the platform, taking two steps at a time. _'What if I'm too late? What if she's already taken an earlier train?'_ She let her eyes wander over the maze of people on the platform before her gaze drew to a halt when it fell on a tall brunette with a blue winter coat.

"Jenny!"

"Emma! What are you doing here?" Jenny asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"Please don't run away, you _have_ to listen to me! I'm sorry! And I'm not only talking about kissing Luzi, I'm talking about everything! That I pushed you away in front of Timo. That I couldn't make up my mind. That I…."

"Emma…."

"No, wait! That I thought that you're fucking me over. That I didn't trust you."

"Hey…"

"No! I have to tell you this now because it took me way too long to do this. I totally….completely…fell in love with you and I'd really like to be with you. Please stay here! Don't go to London!"

"What?"

"Please stay." _'Please. Please say that you'll stay. Say that you won't leave me.'_

"But why should I go to London? My parents just arrived from there." Jenny answered, perplexed. _'What?' _"And they've been standing right behind you all the time." Jenny gently laid her hand on Emma's shoulder and turned her around towards an elderly couple that was watching them with interest. "Mom, Dad, that's Emma."

'_Oh…..my…God!'_

ooooo

Emma couldn't help but glance at Jenny over and over again while their hands lay linked together on the car seat between them, Jenny's thumb drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand. _'My girlfriend.'_ Emma thought and giggled happily, eliciting the most beautiful smile on Jenny's face and a slightly irritated look from Jenny's father who watched them through the rearview mirror. A faint blush crept up Emma's neck as she remembered their earlier awkward conversation in the restaurant. She'd made the world's greatest fool of herself and with every sentence she'd uttered to explain what she was actually talking about she'd made things even worse. As if her brain was overwhelmed by the fact that she and Jenny and were together now and could therefore only come up with stupid ramblings. 'I thought at first that Jenny is a spoiled brat with a rich Daddy….erm….I don't mean you, of course, you're very nice, I'm talking about those guys who only care about money.' '_Oh God. They must think I'm the biggest idiot ever.'_ As if Jenny had been able to read her thoughts, she gave Emma's hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled at her. "Stop worrying."

Emma sighed with relief when they finally arrived at the Bergmanns' house, got out of the car and followed Jenny's parents up to the front door. As soon as Stefan Bergmann had invited the guests inside Jenny squeezed past them and pulled Emma behind herself. "We're going up to my room. Have a nice evening." With that, she tugged at Emma's hand and made her way up the stairs, Emma following close behind. Jenny opened a door at the far side of the corridor. "Tadaaa!" she said with a flourish and ushered Emma inside. Emma hid her face in her hands as soon as Jenny closed the door behind them.

"Oh my God!" she groaned, but nonetheless she couldn't help but laugh at the weird situation and let herself fall on the bed. Jenny sank down next to her, laughing as well.

"What the hell was that?" Emma laughed, her head resting on her crossed arms.

"Have you seen their faces? This was so awesome!" Emma couldn't take her eyes off the dimples on Jenny's cheeks which deepened every time her face broke into one of those wide smiles Emma loved so much. _'How could I _not _love her? She's just….perfect.'_ With a pang of guilt she remembered Jenny's parents again.

"Aw, what will they be thinking about us now?"

"I don't care!" Jenny replied without hesitation.

"And Mr. Bergmann?"

"Did you notice how uptight my parents get in front of a business acquaintance?" Jenny pondered with a smile.

"But what if they hate me for that now?" Emma asked, suddenly worried.

Jenny's expression grew instantly serious. "My parents think you're amazing." Jenny's eyes were burning into her own so intently that Emma held her breath. _'She loves me. I don't know why, but she does.'_

"Sure?" Emma asked, not entirely certain if she wanted an answer concerning Jenny's parents or to her silent monologue.

Jenny only nodded, her gaze still fixed on Emma as if she wanted to memorize every single pore of her face. "I was awfully nervous and telling all this nonsense." Emma laughed.

"Emma…the way you declared your love for me…that was…wonderful. I could have cried from happiness." Jenny looked at her so lovingly that Emma couldn't resist to lean forward and place a chaste kiss on her lips before she lay back again and grinned at Jenny mischievously. Jenny looked at the petite blonde as if she wanted to tell her so much more but finally decided against talking, instead she slowly leant in and kissed Emma with the same intensity she'd shown earlier. '_Wow.' _was the only thought Emma's mind was capable to come up with in that second. She was lost in the feeling of Jenny's lips caressing her own so tenderly that she felt the simple touch deep down in her stomach. _'I love her.' _She'd never been so sure of anything in her life._ 'I love her, I love her, I love her.'_ And Jenny was wordlessly telling her the same, the gentle movements of her lips in perfect sync with her own. Yet Emma could feel that Jenny was holding back, trying not to overwhelm her, although the rapidness of her heartbeat gave the brunette away. As she felt Jenny lean back again, Emma pulled her closer before she could break the kiss and boldly slipped her tongue into Jenny's mouth. The quiet moan that escaped Jenny's throat as their tongues collided made Emma's heart skip a beat and set her already boiling blood on fire. _'Oh God.'_ Emma barely registered that Jenny's hand played with the hem of her checkered shirt while Jenny's lips grew more and more demanding, her breathing more and more ragged with every stroke of Emma's tongue against her own. Emma drew in a sharp breath as she felt Jenny's hand slip beneath her shirt, leaving a hot trail on her skin and the most wonderful sensations in her lower abdomen. Despite all this, her mind sprang back to life within a fraction of a second. _'We're all alone up here. In Jenny's bed. Kissing like there's no tomorrow. With Jenny's parents and Mr. Bergmann downstairs. I love her. God, I do…but…I can't do this. I'm not ready. I've never done this before and…I just can't. I'm sorry. Sorrysorrysorry.'_ Emma gently broke the kiss and took hold of Jenny's hand before it could travel up her back.

"Jenny…." she whispered and kissed the knuckles of Jenny's hand. _'Please don't be mad at me. I just need a little bit more time.' _Although the words stayed hidden in her mind she saw understanding dawn in Jenny's eyes.

"How about simply cuddling?" Jenny asked with a gentle smile as soon as she'd controlled her breathing. She lay down next to Emma and wrapped her into her arms from behind. Emma sighed with relief as she felt Jenny's head nestle against her neck and her breath tickle her cheek. _'I love you.'_ she repeated silently and wrapped Jenny's arms closer around herself. _'Don't ever doubt that.'_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The contented sigh which escaped her lips was muffled by Emma's neck. She blew a soft kiss beneath Emma's ear, careful not to wake her, her arms still safely wrapped around the petite blonde. Jenny smiled as a stray strand of Emma's hair tickled her nose, nuzzled her face even closer against Emma's neck and deeply inhaled her scent. _'Emma.' _ If anyone asked her to point out the happiest day in her life, she wouldn't hesitate even the tiniest moment. Although the day had started out like a real nightmare it had performed an unexpected volte-face. In the morning she'd still been convinced that she'd ended things with Emma for good and that it would take her ages to get over her. And only a couple of hours later Emma had declared her love for her so wonderfully that she thought at first that she must be dreaming, but Emma had remained real, standing in front of her with that pleading look on her face, begging her to stay with her in Cologne. Jenny still couldn't believe her luck. _'She wants to be with me. Although she's so afraid of being different from others. Although I've fucked things up so badly.' _

Despite all this Jenny had yet to decide what surprised her more – the fact that Emma was in love with her and had finally found the courage to admit her feelings or the way her own heart did somersaults inside her chest whenever she laid eyes on Emma. No one had ever broken so easily through the armor she'd carefully built around herself. _'You jinxed me.' _Jenny thought lovingly and allowed her fingers to slowly trace an invisible line from Emma's hands up to her elbows and back down again, quietly enjoying the victory of having elicited goose bumps on Emma's skin. Jenny wasn't used to lose her heart to anyone just like that, but one look from Emma and she'd been done for_. _

'_How could that happen?'_ She honestly didn't know. Although it had been obvious right from the start that Emma was special in any possible way. Whereas their female classmates were mostly annoyingly gossipy and ridiculously blasé if not even dumb as hell, Emma was just….Emma. Honest. Intelligent. Funny. Enthusiastic about anything that was important to her. Always helpful. With a distinctive sense of justice. And a wonderful voice. And the cutest smile. And the most beautiful eyes, especially when they were grinning at her mischievously. Surprisingly passionate. And sexy as hell even if somehow Emma refused to agree with her on that point. Jenny smiled and bit her lip. She hadn't intended to be too demanding tonight, but when Emma had kissed her like _that_ – good God! Her hormones had got the better of her. She'd had to touch her, feel her silky skin beneath her fingertips and had been almost shocked by the bolt of electricity that shot through her body at the first contact. She could have hit herself for having lost control like that when she'd seen the fear in Emma's eyes. Of course she wasn't ready. How could she be? Emma had only just figured out for herself that she'd fallen in love with a girl which must have been disturbing enough for her. _'I'll wait for her. No matter how long it takes.' _Jenny smiled and rolled her eyes. _'Since when are you into cheesy lines like that? Where did bitchy, cold-hearted Jenny Hartmann go? The one who wouldn't take no for an answer and who preferred a night of easy fun to a seemingly complicated relationship at any time?'_ Jenny pondered that thought while she felt Emma budge in her arms. _'I guess she's gone on holiday. Indefinitely.'_ Emma turned beneath the blanket until they were lying face to face and linked their hands between them.

"Are you still awake?" Jenny whispered although the answer was kind of obvious.

"Yes." Emma smiled. "I'm awake. And you?"

"No. I'm just talking in my sleep." Jenny dead-panned and giggled. "You should get used to it."

"You're silly!" Emma retorted with a smile.

"Ey, _I_ am silly?" Jenny mockingly complained and playfully nudged Emma's elbow before she broke into a smile again.

"No, you're not silly." Emma conceded.

"Ohh…" Jenny commented with a victorious smile and shuffled closer towards Emma.

"You're great." Emma continued, all playfulness gone from her voice.

Jenny felt her smile falter as the true meaning of Emma's words sank in. She was still surprised what such simple words could do to her. "You're great, too." Jenny replied quietly.

"Jenny?"

Jenny had to smile again, She knew that tone of voice already too well. And she already guessed what was bothering her.

"Emma?" she asked, playing along.

"Is it really okay for you that we…wait?" Jenny bit her lip. _'Her cuteness will kill me one day.' _Nonetheless Jenny decided to tease her a bit.

"Wait for what?"

"Well…you know what I mean."

"No, I don't know. Tell me." Jenny fought hard to keep an earnest expression but failed miserably after a couple of seconds.

"Aw, you're silly!" Emma repeated and joined in Jenny's laughter. Jenny hugged her shortly before she took hold of Emma's hand to get her attention.

"Hey….honestly, it's not a problem. Please don't worry about it." Jenny said while she caressed Emma's arm reassuringly and slowly progressed to her cheek. _'God, I just can't stop touching her.'_

"I love you. And I know that this is all new for you. We'll wait until we both want it. Okay?"

Emma smiled and nudged Jenny's nose with her own. Just as Jenny leant in to kiss her Emma gave a start.

"Do you think that your parents told Ben's father? About us?"

"No, I'm one hundred per cent sure of that. They'll have to figure that out for themselves at first."

"And what are we going to do about school? Are we going to tell the others or aren't we?"

"Hey, don't worry. I'd say we just wait and see how it goes." Jenny said with a shrug. "Okay?"

Emma looked at her as if she were weighing the pros and cobs of Jenny's suggestion before she relented. "Okay."

Jenny took Emma's hands in her own again and kissed her knuckles. _'How could I _not_ love her?'_

ooooo

"Cool that the door is open. Is it always open?" Jenna asked as she followed Emma into the auditorium.

"Usually not, no." Emma replied absentmindedly, chucked her bag to the floor and took Jenny's hands in her own to pull her eagerly behind herself. Jenny felt her stomach flip as Emma pushed against her until her back hit a pillar and started to kiss her hungrily. "Wow."Jenny couldn't help but gasp into Emma's mouth. The feeling of Emma's body pressing against her own, her contours clearly palpable even through the several layers of clothes that still separated them, her hot breath on her cheek, Emma's lips which explored her own almost dominantly sent a gush of blistering heat straight south and her mind spiraling out of orbit. _'God, I want her so much.'_ The whole day the blonde had been driving her crazy with fleeting touches, meaningful looks and the occasional secret hand-holding.

"What?" Emma whispered through her open-mouthed kisses.

"Nothing." Jenny choked hurriedly, her mind on over-load, her fingers itching to get rid of Emma's clothes, to touch her, feel her, hold her, rake her nails against her velvety skin. _'No. Don't think about this. Not here. Not now. You promised to wait until she's ready, remember?' _she admonished herself, trying hard to get a grip on her overpowering emotions. Nonetheless she couldn't stop touching her, running her hands through Emma's silky hair, caressing her cheek, her shoulder, her arms. "I could keep on kissing you forever. All day long." she mumbled against Emma's lips and almost groaned with frustration when Emma broke the kiss and looked at her with worry in her eyes.

"Even if it has to be in secret for now?"

"As long as you don't push me away again because someone has seen us." Jenny whispered between kisses. "That hurt a lot."

"I know." Emma whispered and kissed her again, her lips, her cheek…

"Oh. Sorry." Both girls gave a start at the unexpected intrusion and stared at the boy with a beany on his head who smiled at them apologetically.

'_Oh no.'_ Her gaze flew to her girlfriend who looked shell-shocked and utterly lost for words.

"I was looking for the STAG." the boy continued a bit awkwardly.

"We start at ten o'clock." Emma replied, obviously struggling to regain her composure.

"Well….it is ten o'clock?"

"Erm…."

Jenny almost laughed as Emma started a desperate attempt to pass their heated kiss off as a rehearsal for the musical they were currently working on. The boy – Bodo, as Emma had finally introduced him – was kind enough not to tell her straight away how lame her excuse sounded.

"Emma." Jenny finally interrupted before it could get even worse. "I don't think he believes us."

"No?" Emma looked at him almost pleadingly, but Bodo shook his head and smiled. "No. Sorry."

Jenny smiled as well. She had to admit he was kind of cute, although she couldn't quite figure out why he'd feel the need to wear that stupid beanie even inside the over-heated auditorium. "How about a deal then? You keep our little tête-à-tête for yourself and we…I don't know…is there anything we can help you with?"

Bodo thought about Jenny's suggestion for a couple of seconds and finally nodded. "Yes, actually there is something you could do for me."

Jenny glanced at Emma again and noticed with relief that she'd visibly calmed down, she even met her gaze and smiled at her a bit hesitantly. _'She didn't push me away. She panicked a bit at first, but that's alright. Everything's going to be alright.'_ She'd have loved to kiss Emma again just for not having run away again, but she didn't want to push her luck and opted for a reassuring squeeze of her hand instead. _'We can do this. I know we can.'_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Emma yelped with surprise when invisible hands grabbed her from behind in the deserted school corridor and pulled her into a corner next to the lockers where they were shielded from view. She was just about to protest when soft lips covered her own and silenced her more than effectively. Emma smiled into the unexpected kiss and wound her arms around her girlfriend, holding her close.

"Hey." Jenny whispered with a wide smile when they finally broke apart. "I missed you."

Emma felt her heart swell up inside her chest and laughed happily. She'd never get used to this. _'Never.'_ Even if she still found it hard to accept that someone as amazing as Jenny Hartmann would fall for _her_ of all people, she was done with worrying about it and had decided to just let herself be enveloped by her love without having second thoughts about it. "I missed you, too." Emma replied and kissed her again. "Terribly." And it was true. She almost laughed at their stupidity, after all they'd sneaked away to the auditorium only two hours ago for a couple of stolen kisses. Sometimes she felt like a fourteen year-old again who was making out with her very first big love and couldn't risk to get caught. Jenny leant towards her, gently cupped her cheek and kissed her again, sweet and tantalizing at the same time, when the loud slamming of a door made Emma start.

"False alarm." Jenny reassured her, but Emma sighed nonetheless and rested her head against the lockers. "What is it?" Jenny inquired with a worried look on her face.

"I'm so sick of this." Emma conceded, her good mood blown away.

"Of me?"

"No! Of our secretiveness." Emma sighed again while her girlfriend remained silent. _'What should she say anyway? It's me who's afraid of others knowing about us, and she's just agreeing to keep our relationship a secret to do me a favor. Because she loves me.' _Deep down she knew that their secretiveness was hurting Jenny, was hurting her more than she'd ever openly admit. She'd already hurt her in the worst possible way as she'd pushed her away and even yelled at her when Timo had walked in on their kiss all those weeks ago. And her current behavior wasn't that much better, if she was totally honest to herself. _'I don't want her to think that I'm ashamed of her. Of us. God, I'm not.' _But as soon as she'd pull their relationship out into the open there'd be no turning back. She'd have to face the consequences, no matter what they turned out to be. Was she really up to this? Emma searched Jenny's eyes for signs of impatience or annoyance but found none. _'She'd wait for me forever. I _so_ don't deserve her.'_ She drew in a deep breath and made a decision. This had to end. Now.

"Every time we kiss my heart is racing wildly, and then it almost stops beating because I'm panicking whenever I'm hearing some kind of noise just because someone might see us. That's just not normal."

"It's probably not very healthy, but it is perfectly normal." Jenny contradicted. "And I love it that your heart's racing from excitement when we're kissing." She was doing it again. Selflessly putting Emma's mind at rest without thinking of her own needs. Emma couldn't let her do this any longer. She cupped Jenny's face in her hands, willing her to look at her.

"Being with you…something like this has never happened to me before. And it's…amazing! I love you, and I don't want to hide this any longer. I want everyone to see it!"

Jenny's face broke into a beautiful smile. "Come here then." She whispered and pulled her in for another kiss.

ooooo

Emma had yet to decide what annoyed her more – the fact that she'd back-tracked again after some weirdo had insulted them for holding hands on the schoolyard instead of standing up to him or that she'd disappointed Jenny again. Of course Jenny had reassured her everything was fine after she'd given that prick a piece of her mind. But….she couldn't go on like this anymore. She needed to stand up for herself instead of constantly burdening Jenny with her problems and expecting her to always be the considerate one with no regards for her own feelings.

Emma was glad that she'd had the courage to confide in Bodo by telling him about her inner dilemma and had been grateful for his advice. She'd tell the STAG about Jenny and herself, and she'd do it today, before she'd have the chance to find yet another excuse to change her mind again. Her nervousness doubled with every second that ticked away while they were waiting for the last STAG members to arrive. _'How will they react? Will they be shocked? Repelled even? Or just happy for Jenny and me?' _Of course she hoped for the latter, but could she really be sure of that? Would they think that Jenny had lost her mind to fall for someone like her? And what about Jenny, anyway? Should she have warned her beforehand? But it was too late now, Mrs. Vogel was already arriving and she wouldn't have time to discuss this with Jenny first.

"Okay, today I've got a surprise for you." Mrs. Vogel announced with a smile. "The STAG is going to perform 'Love fool' outside on the schoolyard. Now!" she said on motioned towards the portable cd-player in her hand.

'_What? Nonono! Not today, not when I….'_

"Come on." Jenny said to her and fleetingly touched Emma's wrist with her fingertips. "Don't worry, as much as we practiced for this, we could do the performance in our sleep."

"Yeah, well, probably, but..." Emma sighed, shook her head and followed the others outside. The schoolyard was packed with students who slowly formed a circle around the school's emblem, a stack of huge stony books in the center of the yard. It was lunch-time, after all, and most of them were curious enough to watch the performance, either because they liked the unusual distraction or because they were hoping for them to fail spectacularly so they'd have something to gossip about later. As the first tunes of the song were played, Emma's hips swayed almost automatically to the rhythm and her steps fell in sync with those of the others while she waited for the part she was supposed to sing. All the while her eyes didn't leave Jenny who was dancing flawlessly and as gracefully as ever, the self-confidence that was emanating from her almost palpable.

"Love me, love me, say that you love me…" When Jenny took her hands to help her step up onto the highest of the stony books and smiled at her almost seductively, a succession of images flickered through her mind. Hotte walking in on their first real kiss on the couch. Timo walking in on them while they were kissing in the auditorium. That guy from class 12b insulting them because they'd been holding hands. Jenny smiling that beautiful smile of hers. Jenny holding her close while they were lying in bed together after the disastrous dinner with Jenny's parents. Jenny kissing her for the very first time. Jenny kissing her in the corner next to the lockers. Emma sang the last tunes of the song absent-mindedly and let Jenny dance into her embrace just as they'd practiced it earlier. _'I love her. I love her so much that it almost hurts. I don't want to hide this any longer. I can't. And I won't.'_ Her racing heartbeat tuned out the applause of their audience. Just as Jenny let go of her hand and was about to step away from her, she pulled her towards her again and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. She heard the surprised gasps of the students and teachers surrounding them, but at that moment, she couldn't have cared less. Jenny finally broke the kiss and looked at her with a mixture of happiness and love in her eyes that tugged at Emma's heart. _'I've done it. I've kissed her in front of the whole school. Oh. My. God.'_ She felt herself blushing and smiled embarrassedly at her girlfriend, her eyes not leaving hers.

"Are they _all_ looking?"

"Of course they are!" Jenny laughed.

Emma groaned and closed her eyes before she carefully looked at Jenny again. "How was I?"

"Adorable." Jenny reassured her with a brilliant smile.

Emma hesitantly looked up, her gaze grazing the faces of her fellow students most of whom were still applauding. "I can't believe I did that."

"Are you regretting it?"

"No." Emma answered decisively. "Not at all."

Jenny bit her lip and nodded happily. "Come on. Let's go."

ooooo

Emma flopped down on the couch in the school's common room and smiled as Jenny took her hands in her own.

"I'm so glad you're feeling better again." Jenny said and smiled at her warmly.

"Me too." Emma replied and sighed. The previous weeks had been hard for both of them. Ronnie's attack had shaken her up really badly, and besides the fact that Jenny had been out of her mind because of the anger she felt towards him and the self-reproaches she was tormenting herself with because it had been her he'd wanted to get back at, she'd been hurt by Emma's reluctance to even touch her in public. Of course she hadn't said as much, but she'd seen in in her eyes, no matter how hard Jenny had tried to make light of it. _'I love her so much. I hope she knows this.'_ Emma slowly leant towards her and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Mmmh." Jenny sighed. "This feels really, really nice."

Emma smiled a bit sadly. "I'm sorry that I was acting so weird lately." Jenny smiled and brushed Emma's apology away with a wave of her head.

"Jenny?"

"Emma?" Emma had to smile at the tone of Jenny's voice which told her that she knew perfectly well that she'd ask her something that had already been bothering for a while.

"Are you happy?"

Jenny frowned at her. Obviously this wasn't the question she'd expected. "Of course I am."

"I mean…don't you miss anything?"

"As long as you're with me – nope!"

'_Fucking hell, I'm blushing again.'_ Emma bit her lip and smiled a bit embarrassedly, avoiding Jenny's gaze.

"Come on, what's up?" Jenny asked and nudged her knee playfully.

"You know….you and I…our relationship. Do you…do you want to take the next step?" _'God Emma…take the next step? Really? How old are you, twelve? Why not ask her straight away if she'd like to sleep with you?'_

But Jenny smiled at her nonetheless. Clearly she hadn't expected anything like this. "That would be amazing." she said quietly. "Hey." she added hurriedly. "Don't worry about it, okay? It happens when it happens, okay? Don't worry." With that, she kissed the knuckles of Emma's hand as if to stress her point.

"Okay."

ooooo

But of course she'd worried about it. The whole following night, if she was perfectly honest. She wanted it to be perfect. It would be her first time with Jenny, after all, and Jenny's first time with her, and she didn't want to take any chances. She couldn't remember that she'd ever been so nervous in her life. Not when she'd taken an important examination. Not when she'd performed in front of an audience for the very first time. Not ever. She couldn't even define what she was so nervous about. Having sex in general? No, not exactly. Having sex with a girl? She wasn't so sure about this reason either. Sure, she'd never done that. Until a couple of weeks ago she hadn't even thought about that possibility for once. But now…she knew she wanted it. Jenny had never pressured her in any way, had never demanded anything from her that she wasn't ready for. Sometimes she could even feel her hold back, when their kisses grew more and more passionate and Jenny's hands were raking down her back, running through her hair, but never crossing that invisible line she'd set for herself after she'd promised her to wait. Emma even remembered the low gasp that had escaped Jenny's lips when her fingers had accidentally brushed over a sliver of naked skin between the waistband of Jenny's skirt and the hem of her shirt. The way Jenny's hands had stilled then while she'd leant her forehead carefully against Emma's to calm her breath. And she'd felt it, too, a fire smoldering deep inside of her whenever they were kissing, threatening to burn her from inside the longer she touched her, smelled her, tasted her. _'But what if I can't do this? What if I can't give her what she needs? Jenny is so much more experienced in that area than I am – at least I think she is. What if I disappoint her? She could have anyone she wanted, what if….would you stop this?' _Emma forced herself to leave that train of thought again. _'I love her. And she loves me. That's all that counts.'_

Emma smiled when she thought back to their earlier conversation.

"So you didn't sleep well because you worried about the perfect, passionate date with me, including sex? That's _so_ cute!" Jenny said with a wide smile.

"That's not cute, it's complicated!" Emma laughed, slightly embarrassed. "We can't do it at my home because my family's always loitering in front of my room. And we can't do it here, either. Just think about it – Mrs. Schmidt-Heisig staying over with Ben's father and we'd have to have breakfast with them in the morning!"

"And?"

"They'd notice at once what's up with us."

"What? Nonsense!" Jenny laughed. "No one would notice that you had sex a couple of hours ago!"

"They'd notice it as soon as they looked at me, trust me."

But she'd found the perfect solution now. A little cottage in the woods, the one they'd spent the night in when they'd been on that team-building outdoor-trip. Okay, Jenny's reaction hadn't been too overwhelming at first, but Emma would arrange everything perfectly. _'It will be perfect.' _


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

She was _so _in love with her that she couldn't quite put her feelings into words. Nonetheless she'd been kind of relieved when Bodo told them about his date with Lara and seemed so desperate about it that they'd both decided spontaneously to pimp him up a bit and invite him over to the Bergmanns' house to borrow some of Ben's clothes. Despite the fact that she'd been thrilled when Emma suggested to take their relationship to another level, the way Emma had been planning even the tiniest detail of that trip to the woods that was supposed to end with their long awaited 'first time' together was freaking her out a bit. What if she couldn't meet Emma's sky-high expectations? What if she disappointed her? After all it would be Emma's first time. Okay, not her 'first time ever', but her first time with a girl, and she wanted it to be special for her. She _needed_ it to be special for her. It was Emma, after all, and not some random chick she'd chatted up in a club just for the fun of it. _Her _Emma. The possessiveness in her tone made her smile. _'She's mine. And I won't let her go again.'_ What if Emma wouldn't like it? What if she'd be getting second thoughts as soon as things got heated between them? So many 'What if's'. Another worrying thought popped into her mind: Was Emma mad at her for inviting Bodo over and ruining their plan?

„Do I really have to wear that?" Bodo groaned, interrupting Jenny's thoughts, and stared down at himself, then back at his reflection in the mirror. " Can't I just stay the way I am?"

"Sure you can." Emma replied and took another of Ben's shirts out of the closet. "The question is…:"

"Is she supposed to be aware of you?" Jenny stepped in. "To notice you? You know what I'm talking about."

"You can choose between '_Hey Bodo. Come in.'"_ Emma mimicked Lara's greeting in the most unenthusiastic way she could muster while Jenny bit her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud.

"Or it's '_Hey Bodo! Come on in!'"_ Jenny continued with a brilliant smile and an exaggerated seductive wiggle of her eyebrows.

Bodo groaned again but relented, took the hanger from Emma's hand and went outside to change.

"Did you also change clothes a hundred times before our first date?" Emma asked playfully while she stared after Bodo's retreating form and grinned at Jenny, waiting for Bodo to re-emerge in yet another set of clothes.

"Only before our first date? You should have seen me this morning!" Jenny replied jokingly and looked at her lovingly before she turned serious again. "Are you…disappointed because we're here now and not…in the woods?"

"No, that's okay." Emma replied with a smile. "And you?"

"Nah, nonsense!" Jenny laughed, relieved about Emma's statement. "We've got all the time in the world." And she meant it. She would have laughed out loud if anyone had told her a year ago that she'd say something like this to another girl, but with Emma everything was different. A warm shiver ran down her spine as Emma gently brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her so intently as if she was looking straight into her soul. She would have loved to kiss her right then, but Bodo already stomped back into the room, dressed in a striped shirt and black jacket. Jenny jumped up from the bed, scrutinized him critically, finally pulled the beanie from his head and ruffled his hair. "That's better."

"That's not too bad." Bodo conceded after he'd stared at his reflection in the mirror for several moments.

"Not too bad? You'll knock her off her feet!" Jenny clarified enthusiastically.

"She's going to fall for you, that's for sure!" Emma added.

"I bet she'll be all over you in no time!" Jenny laughed.

"What….you think that Lara is going to kiss me?" Bodo looked so worried that both girls broke into another laughing fit.

"Wow, Bodo, a kiss on the first date, that's 100 points for you!" Jenny laughed and squeezed his shoulder.

"Okay, but….."

"Don't worry, your breath is April-fresh!"

"But what if my braces will get all tangled up?"

"Tangled up in what exactly?" Emma asked a bit exasperated "Lara's hair?"

"No. When we're kissing."

"But Lara….she doesn't wear braces." Emma pointed out, amused by Bodo's obvious nervousness.

"And there are no other risks awaiting you – as far as I know she's neither wearing a tongue piercing nor a lip piercing." Jenny threw in.

"No, I would have noticed that." Bodo finally conceded.

"Yes. And two mouths and just one pair of braces, that's pretty harmless." Emma smiled.

"Just relax, okay! And now hurry up, you don't want to be late, do you?"

Bodo threw a panicked glance at this wrist-watch and immediately turned to leave. Before he closed the door behind himself, he turned around again with a grateful smile on his face. "Thanks!"

"Don't worry about it." Jenny laughed. "Have fun!" She was still smiling when she turned towards Emma.

"I think he's never kissed before!" Emma said with surprise in her voice.

"Aww, so cutely innocent!"

"So that's what you're into then!" Emma challenged her playfully.

"Hey, don't look at me like that or I can't guarantee for anything!"

"That's what I'm counting on." Emma retorted and Jenny froze as Emma's gaze locked with her own, her eyes burning with a fire she hadn't seen in them before. Desire. Passion. All the things she'd been dreaming about and which suddenly scared her out of her wits. _'What's wrong with me?'_ She stumbled backwards as Emma's lips met hers in a slow yet passionate kiss. _'Oh my God.' _Emma's hands ran through her hair, trailed along her neck while her lips were doing the most wonderful things to her. She lost herself in the feeling of Emma's lips brushing against her own, her tongue licking her lower lip before it met hers for a slow dance. _'Emma.'_ The world around Jenny drew to a sudden halt as the blonde sank down on Ben's bed and pulled her with her so that she found herself lying flush on top of her. _'Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma.'_ Jenny's mouth developed a life of its own, kissing the blonde torturously slowly. She gasped as Emma gently shifted her weight and rolled them over, not breaking their kiss until she lay on top of her. Jenny's mind went on overload when Emma's lips trailed from her mouth down to her neck, tenderly sucking on her pulse point, occasionally nipping on her over-sensitive skin, driving her completely insane. She felt her own hips move involuntarily against Emma's and drew in a sharp breath when Emma responded immediately and gently grinded against her. _'How can she be so good at this?'_ When she felt Emma's hand tug at the hem of her shirt a chorus of sirens started wailing inside her head while she was flooded with so many different emotions that fought for dominance. Indescribable desire. Pure lust. Overwhelming love. But most of all – panic. _'No.' _she thought although her whole body was screaming _Yes!_ _'No.' _She took hold of Emma's hand, mimicking Emma's reaction from a couple of weeks ago, stopping her before her hand would slip beneath her shirt and caress her already burning skin. _'I'm sorry.' _She pleaded silently. _'So sorry.'_ Emma broke the kiss and looked at her quizzically.

"What…what's the matter?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine." Jenny hurriedly reassured her. _'Please don't be mad at me. Please. I don't understand it myself.'_ Jenny pushed herself up from the bed into a sitting position without meeting Emma's eyes.

"Shall I….I mean…did I do something wrong?"

"No. No!" _'Please don't think that. Not even for a second.' "_Not at all! Quite the opposite, actually. It's just…I…" Jenny paused and felt a faint blush creep up her cheeks. _'What the hell is wrong with me? Since when am I blushing?'_ Jenny took Emma's hands in her own and finally met her gaze. "I'm just a little bit nervous." Emma stared at her with wide eyes. _'I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my whole life. I want it to be perfect for you. But what if I fail?'_

"You?" Emma asked disbelievingly.

Jenny nodded while Emma's face broke into a wide smile. "It's….it's my first time with you after all." After her admission had passed her lips Jenny let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding while Emma gently cupped her face with her hands. There was so much love in Emma's eyes that Jenny looked at her in awe, glad that she was already sitting down because her knees had turned to jelly. _'What did I do to deserve her?' _Emma grabbed the sheet, pulled it over her head until it covered both of them, and blew a chaste yet reassuring kiss on Jenny's lips before she gently pushed against her until Jenny's back hit the mattress again. _'Who would have thought it would be me who needed reassurance for this.' _ She sighed when Emma grazed her lips with her own, once, twice, each time so tenderly that Jenny's insecurity crumbled away with every touch. _'She wants this. She wants this as much as I do. And she doesn't want us to stop.'_ Just as she started to kiss Emma back, the blonde pushed herself up on her elbows, shoved the sheet away and tugged again at the hem of Jenny's shirt. This time, Jenny didn't resist. The moment Emma touched her stomach first with her nose to push her shirt further upwards her eyes flew shut, and when Emma blew a succession of little butterfly kisses on her skin she panted audibly, almost shocked by what even the lightest touch could do to her right now as she felt a surge of heat pool between her legs.

"Emma…." Jenny could hear the note of wonder in her suddenly husky voice, and obviously Emma heard it, too, because she moved upwards again with a mischievous smile on her face. Emma kissed her lovingly, sensually, and pulled the brunette into a sitting position to be able to brush Jenny's shirt over the mounds of her bra-clad breasts, finally over her head to let it fall beside the bed. Jenny could feel goose bumps erupting on her skin despite the fact that it was already burning, craving for Emma's touch. All of a sudden Jenny's mind kicked in again. _'No. Nononono. If she touches me now, I'll be done for.'_ She took hold of Emma's wrists, swivelled them around and pushed Emma down on the mattress with so much momentum that the air escaped from Emma's lungs with an almost audible _whoosh. _Emma laughed out loud at Jenny's embarrassed expression. "God, I'm sorry." Jenny groaned and rested her forehead against Emma's to calm down a bit. "You do realize that you're driving me crazy, don't you?" Jenny whispered and blew a soft kiss on Emma's nose before she kissed her deeply, relishing the quiet moan that escaped Emma's lips when their tongues met. Her fingers busied themselves with the buttons of Emma's plaid shirt, opening them one by one. "You're definitely wearing too many layers." Jenny said with a smile and playfully bit into the strap of Emma's sleeveless grey top, pulling at it with her teeth. Emma giggled and sat up to allow Jenny's hands to pull both pieces of clothing over her head in one go. Jenny bit her lip as she studied Emma's half-naked torso, her flushed cheeks, her slightly swollen lips, her tousled hair. _'I wish she'd realize how gorgeous she is.' _Jenny cupped her cheek with her hand, grazed it softly with her thumb and leant in for another kiss. "You're _so_ beautiful." she whispered against Emma's lips before she dipped her head and started kissing her neck, her collarbone, a path back to her earlobe which she bit playfully, relishing every time Emma's breath hitched. She let her hands slowly travel behind Emma's back to the clasp of her bra, expecting Emma's body to tense, but Emma showed no signs of hesitance, instead she kissed Jenny's shoulder and ran her hand through her hair.

"Jesus Christ, I really need to practice this." Jenny cursed jokingly under her breath when the clasp wouldn't budge. Emma leant back with a smile on her lips, but Jenny could see a streak of nervousness in her eyes. Nonetheless Emma reached behind herself and opened the clasp with one flick of her fingers.

"It's easy. See?" she said with a mischievous smile.

"You don't say." Jenny raised her eyebrow and laughed.

Emma laughed as well and hesitated only a second. She reached around Jenny and undid her clasp with just a single try.

"Now you're scaring me." Jenny smiled at the roguishly triumphant look on Emma's face, another memory she'd burn in her mind forever. She laid her hands on Emma's shoulders and slowly brushed the straps down her upper arms, her eyes never leaving Emma's who was visibly nervous now but mimicked her motions nonetheless until both bras lay discarded on the floor.

"Wow." Emma said quietly with a hint of awe in her voice while her gaze flickered over Jenny's torso. "You're…stunning." Jenny smiled and gently pushed Emma back on the bed again.

"And so are you." she whispered. "You're perfect." She blew a soft kiss on Emma's lips. "Perfect." She captured her lips again and kissed her deeply while she sank down on Emma until she was lying flush on top of her, both of them gasping as their skin touched. _'Oh my God.' _Emma was kissing her more forcefully now, her hands running up and down her naked back, igniting all kinds of fires on Jenny's skin and way below. She dived down to Emma's neck, kissing, licking, nibbling towards her collarbone, her mind silently recording all the little sounds of pleasure which escaped Emma's lips. She felt Emma's heart hammering beneath her fingertips, mirroring her own, while she kissed a path from the blonde's throat down to the valley between her breasts, Emma's hands tangled in her hair. The sound Emma made when Jenny carefully captured her erect nipple between her teeth and massaged the other with her hand would be safely stored away in her brain, half moan, half pant, full of pleasure and desperation at the same time. _'God, I love you, I…'_

"Jenny…." Emma panted throatily, her body writhing beneath Jenny's touch, pushing up against her, urging her on. Jenny didn't need to be told twice and peppered Emma's stomach with soft kisses, caressing every piece of skin she could reach with her fingertips before she pushed herself up into a sitting position and slowly started to undo the belt of Emma's jeans. She examined Emma's eyes for any sign of reluctance but all she could see in them was an almost painful desire.

"Do you trust me?" Jenny whispered nonetheless and stilled her fingers on the button.

"What?" Emma panted under her ragged breath. "Yes. Yes, I do."

Jenny's fingers trembled slightly as she pulled the zipper down and tugged Emma's jeans over her hips which the blonde had lifted to assist and finally pulled them over Emma's ankles along with her socks. _'God, I wish she could see herself right now. She's so fucking gorgeous.'_ Jenny got up from the bed, opened the zipper of her skirt and let it gracefully glide down her legs until it hit the floor with an almost inaudible thud.

"Come here." Emma whispered and opened her arms towards her girlfriend. Jenny smiled and carefully lay down on top of Emma again but yelped with surprise when Emma took this opportunity to roll them over and looked down on her with a mischievous smile on her face. "Well…hello there." Emma whispered and muffled Jenny's giggles with a searing kiss that left them both breathless. Jenny started as she realized that the low moan that echoed through the otherwise silent room had slipped through her own lips. _'Emma. God, Emma.' _Emma's hands were everywhere, stroking, caressing, exploring, tentatively at first but quickly gaining confidence with every gasp her administrations elicited. Jenny threw her head back into the pillows when Emma's lips reached her breast and tortured it with slow strokes of her tongue, then switched to the other while her fingers raked down her sides, her nails leaving fine lines on her skin. Jenny had closed her eyes, losing herself in Emma's gentle yet decisive touches, but they flew open again when Emma's hand grew even more adventurous and brushed over Jenny's black satin panties which were already soaked through by the pooling wetness between her legs. For once she couldn't read the look in Emma's eyes as their gazes locked, but her own changed from surprise to incredulity to something else altogether when Emma repeated the motion with a little more pressure, all the while watching Jenny closely to gauge her reaction. "Emma!" Jenny moaned and tried to roll them over but Emma would have none of it and gently pushed her back down again. "You….I…" Jenny stammered, overwhelmed by the pure need that was pulsing inside her now, by the boldness of Emma's actions, by the way she was melting like wax beneath Emma's hands, but Emma shushed her with a kiss on her lips. _'It's not supposed to happen like this. I can't let her do this, it's Emma's first time after all, I can't….God!' _Jenny clawed at the sheets when Emma's fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her panties and stroked through her wetness.

"Is this okay?" Emma whispered against her lips without breaking her stride.

"Yes." Jenny gasped, struggling for breath. "But Emma…."

"Shh." Emma's lips sealed her own again before she could utter any further protests while her fingers continued to explore the newly found territory. Jenny felt her hips buck involuntarily against Emma's hand and started one last desperate attempt to switch positions. Emma laughed although she was breathing heavily, too. "You're mine now. Get used to it." she said playfully and tugged Jenny's panties down her legs to gain better access. Jenny's mind blanked out when she felt Emma's fingers move against her, then move inside her, tentatively at first, before she met the rhythm Jenny's hips had set as if they' developed a life of their own, while her thumb kept stroking her with just the right amount of pressure. _'How can she….Christ…how….'_. She felt herself spiralling upwards, downwards, everywhere at once with dizzying speed, felt Emma's lips on her neck, her throat, her tongue teasing her nipples, her teeth nipping all the way back up to her earlobe while her own breath was coming in shorter and shorter gasps and drops of perspiration ran down her temple. _'Jesus, she's making me….'_

"Kiss me." Jenny almost choked on the words, already too far gone, and as soon as Emma's lips met her own she panted into her mouth while her body started to tremble uncontrollably. _'.'_ She held on to the blonde as if she were drowning, felt Emma blow butterfly kisses on her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids while the movements of her fingers slowed and finally drew to a halt. She looked up in Emma's smiling eyes and kissed her lovingly.

"That was…amazing. _You_ are amazing." Jenny said quietly and brushed a strand of hair behind Emma's ear. "But it wasn't supposed to happen this way."

"Says who?" Emma replied with a mischievous smile. Jenny laughed at Emma's feigned stubbornness and finally – _finally_ – rolled them over.


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay, first of all, I'm sorry because it took me ages to post another chapter, but somehow I couldn't find the words and besides that I've been lazy! ;-)**

* * *

><p>If she had a once in a lifetime chance to stop time and hold on to one special moment forever, she wouldn't hesitate a minute. Not even a second. <em>'Oh my God.' <em>Emma's heart was still beating wildly in her chest as she held on tight to Jenny who was lying on top of her, Jenny's body fitting perfectly against her own, her silky skin so unbelievably soft to the touch, her lips peppering her with the softest kisses while her hand slowly travelled back up her body, gently grazing her stomach, her side, fleetingly touching her breast before she carefully cupped her cheek. As Jenny's lips finally met her own, Emma felt Jenny smile into the kiss, but Emma had to break away after a couple of seconds because she was still struggling for breath. _'God, I can't. I'm still….wow.' _Jenny was openly chuckling now, affectionately kissed the tip of her nose and brushed a sweaty strand of hair from her forehead. Emma could see the mixture of love and relief in her girlfriend's eyes. _'She's really been more nervous about this than me. How is that possible?'_ Emma smiled at Jenny and reluctantly let her roll off her so that she could settle down beside her, their legs still entwined beneath the blanket._ 'I hope there isn't a rule against loving someone too much because I would have broken it once and again in the last couple of hours.' _Emma giggled because of her own silliness and snuggled closer against Jenny who smiled at her with closed eyes.

"I love you." Jenny whispered at her as if she'd read her thoughts.

"I love you more."

"Mh. Not possible." Jenny replied tiredly.

"But I do." Emma insisted with a mischievous smile.

"Nope."

"I do." Emma repeated and sealed Jenny's lips with her own before she could contradict her again.

"Mh. That's unfair." Jenny mumbled against Emma's lips and chuckled.

"It's the only effective way to shut you up." Emma countered cheekily.

"That's one of the things I love about you. Your stubbornness."

"What?" Emma laughed. "_That's_ what you love about me?"

"Yes." Jenny confirmed despite Emma's playful indignation. "And the way you look at me when you think I don't see it. And the way your breath hitches when I kiss your neck." she continued and did just that. They both chuckled when Emma reacted like Jenny had predicted. "See? The way you get goose bumps wherever I touch you." She pushed the blanket away and trailed her fingers slowly from Emma's stomach up to her breast to prove her point. "And finally…" she started with a knowing grin while her fingers still lingered on Emma's sensitive skin.

"Finally?" Emma repeated, rising to the bait while she bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Finally…." Jenny kissed a path up her neck towards her ear and gently bit her earlobe. "Finally the way you pant out my name when I make you…outch!" Jenny yelped when Emma poked her into the side.

"I hate you!" Emma laughed.

"Aw, no, you don't."

"But I should!" Emma sulked playfully. Jenny laughed and kissed her before her face turned serious.

"I love everything about you. No one can be as happy as I am right now." she whispered and blew another soft kiss on Emma's lips. Despite everything that had happened between them in the previous hours, Emma's heart fluttered inside her chest when she heard Jenny's words. Just as she leant towards Jenny to kiss her again, a disturbing thought popped into her head. They were still lying in Ben's bed, and his room looked as if it had been hit by a bomb, Ben's clothes lying around everywhere.

"Did Ben tell you when he'll be back?"

"You mean we should…." Jenny started reluctantly and looked almost pleadingly at Emma, willing her to contradict her.

"…rather go back to your room?" Emma ended Jenny's sentence with a smile and kissed her softly.

"You're right." Jenny conceded grudgingly but didn't show the slightest inclination to leave Emma's side and get up. Instead, she rubbed her nose against Emma's, relishing her closeness. _'God, she can be so cute.'_

"Mh. He could be back anytime soon." Emma said playfully and caught Jenny's lips in a kiss. _'I love her. Did I mention that already?'_

"Mmmh. Although he said that he'd be gone for a while." Emma grinned widely when Jenny's lips met her own again.

"And what about that chaos in here?" Emma smiled into Jenny's kiss.

"We_ really_ should tidy that up." Jenny whispered with a goofy smile and slowly rolled on top of Emma.

"Definitely." Emma chuckled. _'I just can't get enough of her. How did that happen?'_

"The sooner, the better."

Emma giggled when Jenny pushed herself up on her elbows to shove the blanket away that separated them and met Emma's lips in a kiss that quickly deepened. They both moaned at the renewed feeling of skin on skin. _'I can't believe I want her again. I can't believe I…..oh. Je….sus.'_

ooooo

Jenny put the still dropping grapes into a bowl and turned towards Emma who was sitting comfortably on the kitchen counter, eating yoghurt. They'd finally given in to their growling stomachs and had reluctantly left Ben's bed, tidied up the chaos inside his room, changed the sheets and come down into the kitchen in search for something edible. She could watch Emma forever – her slightly tousled hair, the wide smile on her face, her cheeks that seemed to be glowing with happiness. _'Too bad she put some clothes on, though.'_ Jenny thought cheekily. _'I just can't get enough of her.'_ She dipped a grape into Emma's yoghurt and held it in front of her mouth, but as soon as Emma tried to take it, she dabbed it against her nose, her chin, her cheek, relishing Emma's burst of laughter, before she finally offered it to her again but ate it herself before Emma's lips could close around it, touching her nose against Emma's to create an even greater yoghurt mess.

"Great, now I'm completely covered in yoghurt!" Emma laughed with a playful pout.

"Oh, I guess we'll have to take a shower then!" Jenny stated with a mischievous smile as if this was the only logic solution and kissed some yoghurt off Emma's cheek. Just thinking about sharing a shower with Emma sent a warm shiver down her spine. Emma wiped some yoghurt from Jenny's nose, still laughing.

"Mh. I guess first of all we need to clean up in here."

Jenny looked at her with a painful expression on her face. "Nooo…later!" they said simultaneously and laughed, but gave a start when they heard someone clearing his throat behind them.

"Don't let me disturb you." Ben said with a smile as he stepped into the kitchen. _'Ben! Thank God we already tidied up his room.' _Jenny didn't dare think about what would have happened if he'd been home an hour She Jenny looked at Emma who was obviously thinking the same and they couldn't help but giggle like 5-year-olds who've been caught stealing cookies from the jar.

"Erm….I thought you'd be gone a bit longer?" _'Ah, Jenny, great, why don't you ask him straight away why the fuck he dares to come home so early?'_

"A little communication problem with Aphrodite."

"Aphrodite?"

"Greek Goddess of love." Emma explained.

"Mh. Am I supposed to understand what you're talking about?"

"No, don't worry about it. It looks as if you two had a nice evening?"

"Yes." Jenny replied while they both giggled again. "We do indeed."

"So, erm…yeah…I'll leave you to it, have fun!"

They were still laughing when they heard Ben climb upstairs and shut the door to his room.

"So….where were we? Oh, yes, I remember, we were talking about how we could get all that yoghurt off your face…" Jenny said and smiled seductively at her girlfriend. She leant towards her and kissed another spot of yoghurt off her cheek. "Too bad I'm not that hungry anymore." she added with a shrug of her shoulders and a cheeky glint in her eyes.

"Yes, too bad." Emma replied, playing along.

"Of course I can't allow you into my bed like that."

"Aw, why did I see that coming?" Emma laughed. "So….I guess there's only one solution then." she continued playfully.

"And what kind of a solution would that be?" Jenny asked her lips only millimetres away from Emma's.

"Mh, that should be kind of obvious." Emma said and gave Jenny a little peck on the lips. "_I'm_ taking a shower while _you_ clean up the kitchen."

"What? Emma Müller! You're evil!"

"Aw, I'm evil?"

"Yes, you are! But….I forgive you!"

"Just like that?"

"Just like that! As long as you take me with you and we clean up the kitchen later, that is."

Emma laughed again, her fingers playing with Jenny's hair. "Ben will hear us."

"No, he won't, we'll be quiet." As if on cue they heard music drift from Ben's room. Jenny lifted her brows in a 'Didn't I tell you?'-way and giggled when Emma hopped off the counter and pulled her behind herself towards the bathroom.

ooooo

"Grape harvest?" Stefan asked while he picked a lonely grape from his chair before he sat down at the breakfast table. _'Oh fuck.'_

"Erm…no, we just were a bit hungry last night." Jenny replied and didn't dare look either at Ben or at her girlfriend whose embarrassment was emanating from her like heat.

"Oh. That explains everything." Stefan stated with a hint of amusement in his voice and took a sip from his coffee. _'He didn't hear us, did he? No. He couldn't. Relax.'_ She bit her lip when she felt Emma's reassuring hand on her knee.

"Today you'll have a rest from us, we'll be out partying later." Jenny said to change topics inconspicuously.

"Oh. Nice." Stefan replied. "I won't be there as well this weekend."

"What are you up to?" Bens asked.

"Short break."

"Where to?"

"Monaco."

"On your own?" Jenny asked with a knowing undertone that caused Emma to laugh.

"No." Stefan smiled.

"So who's the lucky one?" Jenny probed although she was already more than sure that he was planning a cosy weekend trip with their director Mrs. Schmidt-Heisig.

"I'm sorry, but my contingent of answers is already exhausted for today." Stefan said with a smile and got up. "I'm off to work, have a nice day!"

Jenny was still smiling when Stefan pulled the door closed behind himself. _'God, I'm so ridiculously happy, it's almost frightening.'_ She rested her hand on top of Emma's and drew soft circles on her skin with her thumb. _'I'll never get tired of touching her. Never.'_

"I was wondering….is there a special reason why the usual chaos inside my closet has miraculously transformed into several piles of neatly folded clothes and the sheets on my bed have been changed?" Ben asked innocently although he couldn't quite hide a knowing grin on his face.

"Oh….erm…..we…" Jenny stammered, desperately searching for a plausible explanation that didn't include 'Sorry Ben, butthe way Emma was kissing me we just couldn't make it to my own room!'. '_Fucking hell, why am I blushing again?'_

"We had to pimp Bodo a bit for his date with Lara." Emma stepped in hurriedly. "And we lent him some of your clothes, I hope you don't mind."

"Mh. No problem. And I guess afterwards the two of you were so tired that you kind of stumbled onto my bed and instantly fell asleep?"

"Erm….yeah….that's…."

Ben was openly laughing now. "Ah, yes, the pleasures of sweet young love. Seems as if I've been the only one who had a communication problem with Aphrodite last night." he said with a wink and got up. "Don't worry about it. I'm happy for you. Honestly." With a final wave in their direction, he grabbed his bag and left for school.

"Oh God!" Emma groaned and rested her head in her hands to hide her embarrassment. "He _so_ knows!"

"Yes." Jenny laughed. "But you know what? I don't care." She got up, took hold of Emma's hands and sat down on her lap, straddling her.

"Hey!" Emma protested playfully. "This is my dance space and this is your dance space." she said with a smile and drew a line between them with their still joined hands.

"Is that so?" Jenny asked with a seductive smile and kissed her knuckles one by one. "Okay. As long as you don't tell me that you just carried a watermelon, everything's fine."

"Mh. If I remember correctly, Baby carrying the watermelon resulted in them dancing a heated Mambo shortly afterwards." Emma replied with a wink.

"Oh. Right." Jenny dipped her head and kissed Emma's neck. She smiled when she felt Emma's breath hitch at the gentle touch. "How about skipping the Mambo-scene and continuing with a later one?" She slowly pulled at Emma's plaid shirt until it exposed her shoulder while her other hand ran through Emma's hair.

"I don't think there was a scene of them having sex in the kitchen." Emma stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh. There was. They just cut it out." She gently bit the soft skin on Emma's shoulder and brushed the shirt further down her arms, mentally thanking her for not buttoning it up this morning.

"Did they?" Emma replied with a smile, playing along while Jenny relished the feeling of goose bumps erupting on Emma's skin wherever she touched her.

"Yes." Jenny blew a soft kiss on Emma's lips. "They did. Because it was too hot."

"I see. Did Johnny's cottage even have a kitchen?"

"Ah. Details." Jenny kissed her way back up Emma's neck and sealed her lips with her own, half-moaning, half-chuckling when Emma's hands sneaked beneath her shirt and wandered up her naked back. _'Gotcha!'_ She broke the kiss and cast a triumphant smile at Emma who only rolled her eyes at her and pulled her determinedly back against herself.

"Stop being annoying and come back here." Emma whispered. Jenny's response was lost in another kiss that threatened to make her insides melt. _'Jesus. I can't believe I'm ready for her _again._'_ She moaned into Emma's mouth when the blonde opened the clasp of her bra beneath her shirt and slipped her hand under the lacy material to caress her breast.

"You'll be the death of me." Jenny panted with a smile and pressed her body even closer against Emma's.

"What? You started it, remember?" Emma smiled although she was breathing hard as well and fumbled with Jenny's belt. "You kind of leapt on me while I was innocently having breakfast."

Jenny laughed. "So innocently. Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Emma asked playfully and stilled her fingers.

"No! No, I'm not. I'm not!" Jenny admitted hurriedly, sighing with relief and anticipation when Emma relented and finally opened the button of her pants. They'd be late for school, but Jenny couldn't have cared less at that moment. She needed to feel her or she'd explode right there on Emma's lap.

"I just forgot my…_oh_. Erm….keys." Both their heads shot around at the sound of Stefan's voice. "Found them. Bye!" They looked at each other in shock, the sound of the door banging shut behind Stefan still echoing in their ears when they broke into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my God! I will never ever be able to look Mr. Bergmann in the eyes again without blushing like a tomatoe!" Emma groaned and rested her head against Jenny's. "This is the most embarrassing situation ever, and even that's an understatement!"

"Just remember that he'll do quite similar things to Mrs. Schmidt-Heisig tonight, so I guess he'll get over it."

"Ah, no! I _so_ don't want to think about him doing whatever to Mrs. Schmidt-Heisig!" Emma protested with a laugh and helped Jenny get up. _'God, I love her laugh. She's so fucking beautiful.' _"Speaking of her – we're already late. Come on."

"What? Nonono, you can't leave me like that! I'll be _so _annoying and getting on your nerves all day long, you don't want that, do you? We'll go to my room and lock it three times, we can even throw the keys away, I don't care, but…." _'Am I begging her to have sex with me? Oh God, I am.' _Jenny almost laughed out loud at her own silliness. Emma turned to look at her again and as soon as their gazes met, Jenny knew she'd won.

"You have to tell me how you do that." Emma said softly and took Jenny's hands in her own.

"Do what?"

"You look at me and I'm done for. That's so unfair."

"Oh, that! These are my secret super-powers, but I only use them for emergencies." Jenny replied with a cheeky grin.

"So this is an emergency then?" Emma asked her with a mockingly risen brow.

"Definitely."

"And what are we going to tell Mrs. Vogel? 'Sorry, we really couldn't attend your class because Mr. Bergmann walked in on us while we were making out at the breakfast table, so we had to head back to Jenny's bedroom and lost track of time?'"

"Something like that, yes."

Emma rolled her eyes at her again but relented and followed Jenny upstairs. _'I could get used to this.'_


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay, here's the second to last chapter, have fun!**

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><p>'<em>No. Oh please no.'<em> Emma's eyes flew over the handwritten lines Jenny had left her. The whole day she hadn't been able to shake off an intense sense of foreboding which had dampened her mood since she'd hugged Jenny goodbye this morning. During the STAG's performance this afternoon she'd almost missed her cue because her thoughts had once and again returned to Jenny's impending departure to Ireland. It had been her idea to run away together, and she would have gone through with it, whatever the cost. She would have left her family, her friends, school, everything. As long as she'd be able to be with Jenny, she'd do anything. _'Doesn't she realize how much I love her? That I can't stand being without her?' _Emma blinked away the tears that threatened to spill on the letter and continued to read. 'I have to think about you. You've got a great family here, the STAG, your friends. I love you. And that's the reason why I don't want you to give all these things up for me. Please forgive me that I didn't tell you this in person, but I knew you would have stopped me.' Emma sank against the back of the chair. _'I would have stopped you.' _She stared out of the window, feeling a wave of pain wash over her. Suddenly she sprang to her feet. Her decision had been made before she even realized what she was about to do. '_And I will.' _

ooooo

Her breath burnt inside her lungs and her chest felt as if it was going to explode any minute, but despite all this she kept on running. She had to get to Jenny before she left for the airport. She had to convince her to stay. She had to. She wouldn't let her go. How could she? _'She can't do this to me. She can't.'_ As she rounded the last corner and the Bergmanns' house came into view. Her heart fluttered with relief when she saw Jenny stand in front of her parents' car, casting a last longing glance towards her former home. "Jenny!"

"Emma!"

Jenny stumbled a step backwards as Emma ran into her arms and hugged her so tightly that she felt the air escape her lungs in a whoosh.

"Jenny." Emma whispered again while she clung to her girlfriend as if she were drowning. '_I won't let you go. I won't.'_ She slowly broke the embrace to look at her and felt her heart sink when Jenny evaded her gaze and took hold of her hands instead. _'No. You can't leave me.'_

"You can't go." Emma started emphatically. "And if you do I'll be coming with you." Now Jenny looked at her. Surprised. Desperate. "I've got my family here, my friends, and the STAG. But without you it's all worthless." Emma continued, her hands wandering from Jenny's shoulders down her arms and back up again, as if her touch could convince her to stay.

"Emma…it's not a lovely place where I'm going."

"I don't care! As long as we're together – you belong to me and I belong to you!" The sadness in Jenny's eyes told her all the things she didn't want to hear. _'I'm losing her.'_

"Young lady." Jenny's father piped up. "I know that saying goodbye isn't easy…."

"You don't know anything!" Emma interrupted harshly. "I'm sorry, but you really don't understand." she continued in a slightly friendlier tone. "Jenny didn't take any drugs. Someone mixed them in her drink!" She felt Jenny kissing her knuckles one by one, her lips beautifully soft on her skin. _'She's saying goodbye. Please don't. Please.'_

"I believe you that you believe her, but when someone's addicted…."

"But Jenny isn't an addict!" Emma almost shouted. She cradled Jenny's face in her hands before she continued in a lower voice. "Jenny is the most wonderful daughter and the most amazing girlfriend." She knew that she wasn't really talking to Mr. Hartmann any more but to Jenny, a last desperate attempt to change her mind. _'Doesn't she see how much I love her?'_

"Emma, I can't run away any more, I can't stay!" Jenny said before her father could form a reply, her voice desperate, cracking with emotion.

"You can't give up now! You've never done that!"

"Because she knows that it's the best for her." Mr. Hartmann insisted.

"It's not the best for you!"

"Emma, I can't run away from my problems any longer, I have to face them head-on!"

"But I don't want this and it's not fair! Jenny, stay here and we'll prove your innocence!"

"Jenny, we have to go now." Mr. Hartmann said in a low voice and got in the car. Emma felt her heart break in a million pieces when Jenny nodded curtly and turned towards her again. _'She's leaving me. And nothing I'm going to say will change her mind.' _Emma slowly leant towards Jenny and met her lips in a kiss that spoke of so much more than words could have. Sadness. Desperation. Love. Emma shuddered when their tongues met one last time. She inhaled Jenny's scent, tantalizing and sweet and unique, burning it into her mind, felt Jenny's hand in her hair, her lips kissing her neck, her cheek. _'I can't believe I'm losing her. Oh my God.' _She rested her cheek against Jenny's and choked down the tears that threatened to suffocate her. She wouldn't cry now, she couldn't do this to her. She knew that it was as hard for Jenny to leave her as it was for her to be left behind. Jenny loved her, she didn't doubt that for even a second. But nonetheless Jenny couldn't live with the knowledge that her parents considered her a liar, a drug addict who'd make up any story to hide her relapse, so she gave in and consented to a drug withdrawal although she wasn't an addict any more.

Emma fought hard to maintain her composure as Jenny got in the car but lost the fight when the backlights disappeared around the corner. She leant against a street lamp and felt hot tears run down her cheeks while she slid down on the ground. _'She's gone. Gone.'_

ooooo

She'd never get that image out of her head - Emma kissing her goodbye, shocked, disappointed, heart-broken. _'I'm so, _so_ sorry.'_ Only two days ago she'd promised her that she'd stay with her, no matter what. Jenny laughed bitterly. _'That's what's become of your promises.'_ She didn't want to leave, actually there was nothing she wanted to do less. But if she ever wanted to regain her parents' trust then she didn't have another choice. She'd started one last attempt to convince them of her innocence, but her father's reply to her desperate plea to believe her and let her stay with Emma still rang in her ears. 'I would really like to believe you. But you lied to us too often.'

Jenny looked out of the cockpit's window without really seeing anything, the pictures inside her head still too vivid. She gave a start when the plane's motor sprang to life with a loud rumble. She couldn't even blame her parents. If she was in their shoes, she probably wouldn't believe her either. She'd lied and lied and lied, to her parents, to the few real friends she'd left, to everyone. Once and again, without batting an eye. She'd been lucky enough that her parents hadn't just kicked her out a long time ago. Instead they'd repeatedly forgiven her, reasoned with her, offered their support which she'd shoved into their faces again and again. She couldn't disappoint them again, even if it meant that she had to leave behind the one person who was the most precious to her. Emma. Her Emma. Meeting her was best thing that had ever happened to her. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that she'd have to be without her for at least two months. And who knew what happened afterwards? What if her parents believed that her episode in Cologne hadn't been such a good idea after all and wanted her to return to London? Was she really willing to give up Emma for good just to please her parents? '_No. I won't give her up. Not ever. And I know she'll wait for me.' _ She should have trusted her right from the start, instead she'd endangered their relationship by keeping her past a secret from her. '_So stupid.'_ But she'd been so afraid of Emma's reaction, of losing her because of the past she'd left behind a long time ago. She'd feared the look of disappointment in Emma's eyes after telling her the truth. A drug addict. A junkie. Someone who'd do anything for the next load of dope. Regardless of the consequences. She'd tried to shed that former life like a snake's skin, had banned it from her mind until it had finally caught up with her. But she'd underestimated Emma. Again. Emma had not only brought her home after her drug-induced break-down at school, she hadn't left her side until the effects had worn off. She'd silently endured the insults when Jenny'd lashed out at her, using her as a valve for her anger that had threatened to burn her up from inside. She'd listened to her when Jenny'd finally told her everything that had happened to her in China and later in London. She'd never been judgemental, not once, hadn't told her to go to hell, hadn't accused of her of anything. Instead Emma had stood by her without a second's hesitance. 'I don't care that you've been a junkie. You're my Jenny, and I love you with all this, I love everything about you!' Jenny bit her lip and felt a fresh wave of tears well up inside her when she remembered Emma's words. _'I so don't deserve her.'_ She felt her father's hand patting her shoulder reassuringly but shrugged it off. _'I'm so sorry I had to leave you. I hope you know how much I love you.'_

ooooo

Jenny closed the door behind herself and leant against it. She still couldn't believe that she was back in the Bergmanns' house, back in her room which she'd left this morning with all her belongings to fly to Ireland. She felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her, rush through her veins, immobilizing her. _'God, I'm so tired.' _Emma carefully placed her bags on the floor and turned towards her.

"Hey." she whispered and gently grazed her girlfriend's cheek. "Are you all right?"

Jenny nodded although her posture told another story. It was all coming back to her – her fear of losing Emma, her parents' disappointment, her own despair over her obviously hopeless situation. _'I would have lost her if Emma hadn't fought to prove my innocence.'_

"Come here." Emma pulled her into a tight embrace, rocking her soothingly while Jenny buried her face in the crook of Emma's neck. "It's over now. It's all over."

Jenny couldn't suppress the sob that escaped her throat and shook her whole body while tears blurred her vision and ran down her cheeks, wetting Emma's neck and shirt. "Shh. I'm here. I'm here." Emma gently pulled her towards the bed without breaking the contact and settled down beside Jenny, still holding her close.

"I love you." Jenny whispered. "I love you so much. I need you to know that. I didn't want to leave you, but…"

"Shh. I know." Emma brushed a strand of hair from Jenny's forehead and tucked it behind her ear. "I know."

They stayed like that until Jenny's breath evened again. "Will you stay here tonight?" Jenny whispered quietly and ran her fingertip gently across Emma's forehead, down her cheeks, over her lips, down her chin, relishing the soft touch.

"Of course I will." Emma replied with a smile. She hesitated a second before she continued with a mockingly risen brow. "I can't risk you flying away without me again to God knows where while I'm gone."

Jenny opened her mouth to protest but thought better of it when she caught the amused glint in Emma's green eyes. _'Although I hurt her so much she's making light of it for me.'_

'Mh. I guess you better stay then." Jenny finally replied. "Tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after that. And…"

Emma silenced her with a soft kiss on her lips. "I think I got the gist of it."


	18. Chapter 18

**So this is it, the final chapter! Thanks so much for reading, I hope you'll enjoy the last part!**

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><p><span>Chapter 18<span>

"Emma Müller! Is this supposed to mean that _you_ are misleading _me_ to skip school? And that coming from a model student like you are? Do you even know how that works?"

Emma loved the playful lilt in Jenny's voice, the way she raised her brow at her in disbelief and amusement and tiptoed around her with exaggerated gestures. _'I still can't believe she's here with me and not shipped away to a withdrawal clinic in Ireland. I really thought I'd lost her.' _The mere thought made her feel queasy. No, she wouldn't think about that now. Jenny was with her now and she wanted to have her all for herself today and wouldn't share her – not with school, not with their friends, not with anyone. She hadn't really made a plan for today, but when Jenny asked her where they were going, the perfect solution had popped into her head.

"Come on in." Emma said with a happy smile and dragged Jenny inside Hall One. "No one's here."

"If this isn't the inclusive concept of freedom. We're skipping school to come here - to the place where you work!" Again that playful voice she loved so much. Emma smiled and pulled off her jacket.

"Hall One is closed today, there's a private party tonight."

"I see. So…what are we going to do now?"

If Emma was perfectly honest, she didn't care at all what they'd do as long as it meant spending the day with Jenny. _'I just got her back. That's all that matters.' _

"Well….we're not going to just sit around here, that's for sure." Emma said and pressed a button on the hifi-system behind the counter. "And just so we're clear – I'll be leading today." she added with a decisive smile and pulled Jenny in for a slow dance. They'd never danced before, at least not like this, gently turning and swaying to the music. God, she loved her. Everything about her. Her beautiful smile. Her unique scent that filled her nostrils while she swirled around her. Her soft skin beneath her fingertips. The sound of her laugh when she almost lost her footing after doing several pirouettes. The way she was looking at her right now, a mixture of love and amusement and longing in her blue eyes. "I can't believe there were days when I didn't realize that you're the woman of my dreams." Because that's what she was. The woman of her dreams. Without a single doubt. And she wouldn't let her go. Not ever.

"The important thing is that you know it now." Jenny leant towards her, her lips gently grazing her own, until a low growling sound made Emma start.

"Was that your stomach? You're hungry and didn't tell me?" Emma looked at her girlfriend half reproachfully, half amused and got up. "Wait here. No one will notice that we helped ourselves." She disappeared behind the counter and emerged a couple of seconds later, a silver plate with a perfectly arranged assortment of little cakes in her hands. "Taaa!"

"Emma Müller, you're frightening me!" Jenny exclaimed with a surprised laugh.

'_I'd do anything for her. Anything.'_

ooooo

God, how she'd missed her. How she'd missed _this._ She kissed Emma torturously slowly yet deeply. If only she could show her how much she loved her. They'd been apart for only a couple of hours, but nonetheless it felt like an eternity. She'd really thought she'd messed it up. The best thing that had ever happened to her. Leaving Emma behind had ripped her heart in two, causing a physical pain she hadn't experienced before. _'She can destroy me with just a blink of the eye. But I don't care. I'll take the risk. God, yes, I'll take it.'_ She wanted Emma to feel what she meant to her. She _needed_ her to feel it. Right now. Jenny didn't bother with taking off Emma's clothes although she'd have loved to feel her soft skin beneath her fingers. She went straight for Emma's belt, managed to open it with one hand and popped open the button of her jeans before she pulled down the zipper. _'I love you.' _Without breaking their kiss, Jenny slipped her hand inside Emma's jeans, her other hand on her shoulder, holding her in a tight grip, not letting her go. Emma's response was immediate, her hips pushing up against Jenny's hand unwittingly. But Jenny needed to go slowly, needed Emma to understand. _'I love you.'_ Emma broke the kiss to gasp for air when Jenny's hand brushed over her panties, caressing her gently through the thin material.

"Jenny." Emma breathed, her gaze locked with Jenny's.

"Yes." Jenny whispered. "Yes." She heard Emma draw in a sharp breath when her hand slipped beneath the elastic of Emma's panties and gently grazed her soaking wetness. Emma released the breath she'd been holding and closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the feelings building up inside her.

"Emma." Jenny whispered. "Look at me. Please look at me."

Emma complied and opened her eyes again, her pupils dilated and her eyes greener than Jenny had ever seen them. She bit her lip when Jenny entered her and started moving slowly yet deeply inside her. Emma's breath came in shorter and shorter gasps, but she fought hard to keep her eyes open and didn't urge Jenny on as if she knew what Jenny was trying to show her. A low moan escaped Emma's lips when Jenny's thumb moved against her, gently but decisively, pushing her higher and higher until she couldn't hold back any longer and crashed beneath Jenny's fingertips, Emma's hand holding on to Jenny's shoulder as if she were drowning.

"I've got you." Jenny whispered. "I've got you." She'd never forget this moment. Never. Emma's gaze boring into her own, so open, baring her soul to her.

"I love you too." Emma gasped, her breath still ragged, her body still shaking with the aftershocks. "I love you too."

ooooo

It broke her heart to see her like this. Tears running down her cheeks, her eyes already swollen from crying. Yet she was glad that Jenny had finally given in to her grief instead of pushing the fact that her parents had died in a plane crash away and ignoring the sad truth altogether. Emma could only guess how Jenny was feeling right now. She couldn't imagine losing both her parents in a single day because of a terrible accident. Jenny didn't have any siblings, which meant had her whole family had been erased, except for an elderly aunt who lived in New Zealand. _'I'll be there for her. No matter what.'_ Emma knew that nothing she said or did could soothe Jenny's pain right now, but nonetheless she kept on trying. She'd stayed the night in Jenny's bed in the Bergmanns' house, watching her sleep, and she'd stay as long as Jenny wanted her to.

"I have to think about them all the time." Jenny whispered, a fresh wave of tears welling up in her eyes and running down her cheeks. "I want it to stop." She was openly crying now.

"It will stop hurting sometime. I promise."

"If I'd been with them in that plane it wouldn't hurt anymore."

Emma winced at Jenny's words, felt them tug at her heart. She didn't dare think about how she'd feel if Jenny had died in that crash and pushed that thought hurriedly back into the depths of her mind.

"We'll see this through together, okay? I'll help you with everything that I've got, I'll do anything I can to make you feel better. You're not alone. And you'll never be. I'll stay with you. Always."

'_I promise.'_

ooooo

'You've got the love. You've got the love. You've got the love I need to see me through.'

She loved this song, and she loved listening to Emma's voice while she was singing it. It would take a long time until there'd be a day when she wouldn't think about her parents' fatal accident, but she knew she wouldn't have to face this phase of her life alone. Emma had stood by her every single minute, had been the rock she could lean on when the events caught up with her again and a wave of sadness washed over her, threatening to choke her. Jenny needed her and was surprised that she didn't mind. She'd always hated to depend on other people, but with Emma she'd just accepted it, grateful for her girlfriend's unwavering support. Jenny wound her arm around Emma's shoulders while the audience was still applauding. _'Thank God my parents sent me to Cologne to reorganize my chaotic life, otherwise I'd never have met her.' _ She wished she could thank them somehow for this decision they'd made for her. _'They probably already knew that. They've seen me with her, the way I flourish when she's with me. The way she soothes me without really doing anything. The way she makes me happy. Me! Me who's only been happy while high on dope or God knows what.' _

Jenny woke from her reveries when Emma tugged at her hand and subtly motioned with her head towards a couple kissing each other right in front of them like there was no tomorrow. _'Ben and Bea Vogel? Wow. I wouldn't have guessed. But they seem happy, and that's all that matters.'_

"Did you know that?" Emma asked quietly.

"No, I didn't. But they're a cute couple."

"Yes, definitely."

Jenny pulled Emma in a tight embrace. "But they don't stand a chance against us, of course." she playfully whispered in Emma's ear.

"Of course not." Emma agreed with a smile.

"I love you, Emma. Always. Don't ever, _ever_ forget that."

ooo The End ooo


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